Monday, September 20, 2010

Snappy September - Day Twenty - My Left Boob (and other body parts).

Yep, I'm most likely encouraging the porn-reliant, lonely fetishistic crazies out there with today's title but even so, I should warn all of you that the following photos are progressively more and more confronting and I don't just mean the one immediately under this paragraph which was taken just after a run.

Running is clearly very good for me physically and psychologically, but I've had to endure a few cuts and scrapes along the way. These mostly occur when I overstep and tread on the dead plastic at the front of the treadmill then lose my footing and get flung rather rudely backwards into the tool shed wall.

That's a weekly occurrence and my body is hardened to it and rarely complains but the bleeding boob injury rears up around every three months or so. Sometimes the underwire does more than provide 'form fitting support during intense sporting activities' and decides to cut an angry red semi-circle around my boob as well. By the time the cut has healed (which is a challenge seeing as I run three days a week and usually crack the freshly-formed scab and re-open the wound), it's time to rip open a new one. And it's always the left boob, no matter what brand, size, cut, colour or style the sports bra. Someone ought to fund a study into the phenomenon.....

Running may give me extra energy and a resting heart rate of 58 beats a minute but it sure as hell hasn't made my Ronald McDonald-sized feet any prettier. I have a yellow coloured, permanently pus-filled long blister on the back of both heels with so many lacquer-hard layers of skin that sometimes I take to hacking at them with a pair of scissors and end up with what looks like an open, slightly smiling mouth that 'talks' when I'm walking and Milly likes to lick when she gets a chance.

This photo also gives a glimpse of the big bunion thingy that's decided to start growing on the side of my big toe: not unlike a lost finger knuckle who has given up and decided to set up home on the West Bank (ie my foot).

Factor in also the blisters
and callouses I have on the tips of the other toes, the chalky-looking, short cut nails and the occasional blackened, soon-to-drop off nail and they're not a sight that Wittners are keen to see when it is sandals buying season.

Now readers who aren't already squeamish should click away now.
That's right; head over to LOLcats or CakeWrecks and laugh your revulsion away because just below this text, it gets even more graphic.

Okay. Anyone still here? Are the disgusted ones gone? Good. Are those who bravely remain ready for the next one? Really?

Absolutely, positively certain that you want to continue?

Alrighty then. My right armpit. The bleeding boob is never noticed whilst I'm running because I'm in THE ZONE MAN,the zoooooonnnne but the armpit starts to stick and grip against the flesh that it rubs against, becoming more pronounced as the minutes tick by. I've recently taken to keeping a pot of vaseline in the shed so that I can jump off, pull up my t-shirt and wodge a big chunk of oily stuff on the sore bits to prevent them from rubbing raw.

It doesn't seem to work.

I asked Love Chunks to take this photo, but he refused. "Kath, I've done a lot of things in my life with you, but taking a photo of your stubbly, BO-blasted, sweat-infested armpit just after you've wiped the blood off with your wet running t-shirt is an absolute NO."

Selfish git, isn't he, making me face the mirror and take this with my shaking left hand?
When the water of the shower hit it a few minutes later, I grunted in discomfort.
When some stray drops of shampoo found their way to the spot, I swore a little. Not the seriously offensive post-9:30pm swear words, just a Tony Abbott.*

When I had conditioner sitting in my hair, soap on my face and was absentmindedly starting to wash down the 'ol bod with the puff thingy full of shower gel, habit made me rub under there vigorously. That was until my scream of agony caused me to stop, open my eyes in shock and surprise and then scream again as Fresh Apple Blossom for Fine Hair ran into my pupils and fried them in acid but not before I noticed that the pit had started bleeding again and stained the foam on the puff a fetching fairy floss pink.

But boobs bounce back, blisters harden and armpits heal. Ingrown toe nails, however, never seem to ever be destroyed and mine first appeared when I was twelve and reappears in a most painful manner every decade or so.

The last time I had to have it cut out it was the injection - a thick, 4 centimetre long needle pushed directly between the big and second big toe - that was agony. Every single millimetre the needle pierced and jabbed its way further into my flesh and muscle KILLED and it didn't help that the doctor kept apologising continuously as he did so.

It has swollen again, but the needle memory hasn't dimmed and I've been trying to tell myself that it'll go away of its own accord like all the other times that it ..... hasn't. Alas my procrastination means that it's now infected and whilst I can still run because the toe is compacted in my shoe whilst doing so, once I finish and gingerly undo the laces and peel off my sock, it starts to swell, throb angrily and protest.

There's slightly more than a Tony Abbott expletive when I'm in the shower, bending over getting my upturned arse scalded as I squeeze the puss out of my toe: it's an Andrew Bolt** moment.

And why do I endure all of these hurty things? Because I love to run. Love it, live for it, need it.

* Tiny shit (Tony Abbott)
** Slime sucking Scumbag Puss Crust Fuck Knuckle!! (Andrew Bolt)


lc said...

Well, the first time I've reached this blog via Google...

And the wordV:

Refescur: The act of finding someone you know online when searching for naughty stuff. "Oops was just refescurred to my wife's blog".

Robyn said...

I think you need to lay down and consider just walking once in a while and after seeing this post I will never ever run anywhere ever again .... ;)

blueyes said...

geezus, how the heck do you get so many injuries like that? I sure as heck don't and I run 3 days a week too lol

The hardened blister type thing I have but have one of those pedicure things and rub them smooth. I never have my wire bra break while running but mine always seems to be on the right side when it does probably cuz the right boob is a tad bigger than the left.

I also don't get those sores underneath my arms either. Never had an ingrown toenail either. You must have some bad luck when running.

Kath Lockett said...

Lc, that word is going straight to my blossoming 'Word Verification Dictionary' and we'll be TALKING when you get home!

Robyn trust me - I do all that running so that I *can* lay down and continue to eat far too much chocolate.

Blue eyes, maybe they could design a bra that you and I could use without pain then? I do have a pumice in the shower for the hardened heels and the armpit sore occurs when I powerwalk as well. Despite all that, I love running. It's not just exercise so that I can continue to inhale chocolate, it's part of me now.

Pandora Behr said...

Unfortunately know all about all those injuries. Shoving a second crop top bra over the first keeps some things in the look. Then again, wearing in new bras have given me the underarm injury.

See a doc about the toenail - it;s gone too far and you know it.

Still admire you for keeping it all up - can't wait to get back to it.

Cat J B said...

I knew there was a good reason I'm not a runner, and you've given me a few more reasons to add to the list. Glad you like it though! Apart from the injuries, of course...

mele said...


As a fellow runner with a skin disease, I get blood all over my clothes too! Go Napisan!

I don't even bother with a bra anymore...I just wear a good pair of asics!

My word V: ouscif! (OUCH)

Jilly said...

EWWWWW!! Patrick and I are grossed out. Good looking armpit though (v toned)... xx J & P

River said...

Kath, Kath, Kath.
Tsk Tsk.
Here's the drill.
Just before running, lift the boob higher into the bra cup, add a padding layer of cottonwool or some such stuff between the underwire and the bra. Alternatively, take the bloodstained bra to your bra shop, explain what happens to the fitting assistant and maybe there's a style that will help.
Apply a thick layer of vaseline BEFORE running to the chafing underarm area, or a thick layer of baby powder or cornstarch, to minimise friction.
As for your feet? Get thee to a podiatrist immediately if not sooner. Modern topicasl anaesthetics reduce or even remove completely any pain from a needle. If your chosen podiatrist doesn't believe topicals are necesary, condemn him to the hell he desrerves and find one who does.
Lastly have your running style assessed by someone professional (at a sports clinic perhaps?), explain the foot problems you're having, blisters etc and get their opinion and recommendation on the correct style of shoe for you. You're going to need those feet until the day you die, you know.
Ingrown toenails are often caused by the nail being cut too short, try leaving them just a fraction longer, especially in the corner.
Can you put up a barrier just in front of the dead end on your treadmill so you don't step on it? Because getting thrown against a shed wall, fun as it may be, isn't reall good for you in the long run.
Here endeth the essay.

nuttynoton said...

I hope you have listened to RIVER'S lecture! The toe thing i suffer with I was told its genetic and I remember my dad always suffered as do I if I dont stop them growing in regularly.

having returned to circuit training today I hope I see some benefits after a month otherwise my achy body will not be happy

Another great post keep it up!

Kath Lockett said...

Pandora, I know - the toe needs some attention....

Cat, I bet you have much prettier feet too!

Mele, by running braless I assume that by 'asics' you mean those nice, seamless crop top thingies? If so, I can powerwalk in those, but if I run in them I feel as though I have a huge loaf of bread strapped to my chest and the ol girls loll from side to side instead of up and down....

Jilly, never ever in my LIFE has anyone ever complimented me on my armpit before. There's a first for everything!

(hangs head in shame, looks at feet and mumbles), Yes River. I know, River. You're right, River. I'm sorry, River. Yes I'll improve, River.

Nutty - thank you - maybe all my stuff is genetic too? No RIVER! Don't get angry, I will do something about it all, I promise! Just be a good girl and put that sawn-off shotgun down!

mele said...

Asics the shoes. Ugly as hell but can't beat them for comfort. Franzy and I are now part of the comfortable shoe Dag Army.

Don't have much advice on the bra thing. Before I had the baby I worried about 'sagging' from so much running. Alas, I now run bra less because after breastfeeding there isn't much there, just two sad, empty skin flaps...

River said...

Kath, another option might be to bind the breasts fairly tightly in a cloth tied around to hold them in place without movement, just for running of course, I don't suggest you do this permanently.
Shotgun wasn't loaded. This time.

Kath Lockett said...

Oh Mele..... they'll spring back, I promise! And I have the opposite problem - mine are ones you can rest a hot cup of tea on or tie behind your back if they're not in a big Berlei bandage!

River I might try the kinder, all-fabric stretchy crop top one and then put my serious boulder holder on over the top of it. Does that meet your approval? :)

Vanessa said...

Oh Kath, you know I am new to this running thing and you are not helping!
I suggest fixomul (a type of wound tape with holes in it) for all the bits that rub. It is brilliant on grazes as you can shower with it and when it is done, it falls off. It heals beautifully and provides protection from friction. Will prevent scabs forming on your boobs too. Buy it from chemist.
Two words for your feet: podiatrist now!

Kath Lockett said...

Fixomul is now on my shopping list, Vanessa :)

Elisabeth said...

I'm late to this one, Kath and in shock. Maybe you need to take your running a little less seriously.

Those wounds look mean, especially the bleeding breast/bra and the lumpy toe.

Vickie said...

Hi Kath,
Once you manage to heal your under-boob problem, I suggest you go have yourself fitted for a proper sports bra with enough support that you don't need wires. I also use Dove solid block deodorant on all the folds of my body that can rub together. One of my daughters put me on to that and it's made life soooo much more comfortable. I live near Cairns so sweat can be a real problem.
As for the foot problems, you HAVE to go to a professional podiatrist. Mine is magic and so worth the price of a visit. It looks like you should be having your shoes fitted to your feet, not trying to fit your feet to your shoes.
I envy you being able to run - at my age a canter is about all I can raise. LOL.