"No one is in charge of your happiness but you."
I used to see that saying a lot via calendars, Granny-style greeting cards and email forwards but never really got it until a couple of years ago when my perceived value and contribution to this existence we commonly call 'life' seemed to be sliding out of reach and I was letting down everyone who mattered to me.
It took a bit of professional help, medication and the utmost understanding of experts, family and friends for me to get better and realise that my perception was not the true one and that life would in fact be a fair bit less bearable for those I left behind.
I wasn't 'failing', I just thought I was. I wasn't shaming or disappointing my family and friends; just not talking to them about it. My recovery saw me naturally using the stepping stone method my Dad talked about to see the light eventually appearing at the end of many tunnels and how many things - no matter how simple - were there to just appreciate, take note of or look forward to. The scent of Sapphire's hair, Milly's soft ears, Love Chunk's strong hugs, a mug of hot coffee sipped outside in the sunshine, clean sheets and a kind blog comment.
What really clicked was how I woke up each day. Did I need to feel resentful, grumpy or sad before my feet had even slid off the mattress and landed on the floor? If a blob of toothpaste plopped on my top or I spilt the cereal, was it really going to damage the outcome of my day?
This realisation gave me a choice. I could choose to smile, laugh and move on. And I did.
I can't control everything that happens to me or how I react to it, but I can actively search for beauty, comfort and truth.
And yes, blogging is a huge part of it for me. Thank you for reading!
8 comments:
The bonus of you moving to Melb is to let me know you (a very friendly, kind and humorous person who is a highly talented writer and couragous woman) and your beautiful smile when you are happy!!
You can achieve anything, yes, anything when you believe in yourself and ignore the negative comments from othes (and most of the time, they would have not realised that the comments were negative and meant well).
You have achieved tonnes in the last couple of years, especially in the last 11 months!
YOU GO GIRL!!!
Thank you drb - I'm crying now, but in a good way :)
The fact that you can openly talk about your vulnerability is in itself a strength. And you have a strength of spirit and character that I admire and aspire to.
And you can put up with me.
Of course, I could just walk into the next room and tell you this but it may as well be put on the virtual record.
"I could choose to smile, laugh and move on."
And all of us out here are so very glad that you did. I'm honoured to know you. :)
Kath I've only ever known the smiling and joyful you. I know you've had your trials and you've risen above. You're a treat and a pleasure to read and play with. I'm only just beginning to believe that only I am in charge of my happiness no matter what the world throws at me! Love you long time!
Your blog is a lovely open, honest slice of life - thank you for brightening my days.
Thank you again - sometimes I wonder if I overstep the mark in what I write and reveal but then think, "Just be yourself and write about what interests you."
When you put it like that about getting out of bed I remember that I used to live like that in early high school, but in reverse. If something bad happened, it was because I'd put the toothpaste on the brush with the wrong hand, or laced up my shoes in the wrong order.
As a result I had this extremely regimented routine that permeated everything, that I somehow believed would prevent me from having a bad day or having something bad happening to me.
I remember having the same realisation as you at some point: that I control how I see things and how I deal with them. "The courage to accept what can't be changed" etc.
You've reminded me of an important time.
Blog: accomplished
Thanks, mate.
Blog on.
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