Doggy December - Day 29 - Alpha Male Adoration
At roughly 5.30pm on a weeknight, Milly starts to prepare herself.
She's done a hard days' work with me, brought Sapphire home from school, had some dinner and is now getting ready for her beloved Alpha Male - Love Chunks - to ride in from work.
When he does arrive, her tail wags with such joy she can barely follow him into the shed as he puts away his bike and helmet. Sometimes she blows herself off course and veers slightly into the lavender bushes; such is her delight.
He's sweaty from the ride, so that makes him doubly attractive in terms of lickability and salty bare legs.
If she's really lucky, he'll have a cuddle and pat session with her later on the floor, watching TV. I swear I can almost see the pink and red love hearts floating from her limpid, adoring eyes as they swirl languidly around the living room.
However when Love Chunks travels for work, Milly sees an opportunity.
Her apple-sized brain thinks, 'Alpha Male isn't here. Therefore it is my right to take his place.'
This usurpment tends to take place in the dead of night.
Sapphire is soundly sleeping in her room up the passageway and I'm in the queen sized bed alone, having just drifted off.
Somehow our stumbling, arthritic furry friend manages to sneak in the bedroom without me hearing her nails click on the floorboards.
Even more astoundingly, she manages to heave herself the 50cm off the ground up onto the bed - something she can never do to get into the back of the car - and still not disturb my sole-parent slumber.
Then, she wiggles her way under the bottom of the near, at the end farthest away from me. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, until she's right by my side in the place that Love Chunks normally rests.
I usually sleep on, completely unaware of my new bed partner.
That is, until I stir, which in turn wakes her. She does what comes naturally and licks me. Or the inside of my ear, to be precise.
Having just descended into a deep sleep and entering a state of utter vulnerability means that to have a wet, rather smelly tongue slither into my ear when I think I'm alone is enough to have me leap out of bed, shrieking.
Milly looks more shocked than me. I take a few deep breaths and thank god I'm not incontinent and playfully shake my finger at her. She's carried back to her beanbag and doesn't try the Replace Alpha Routine for the rest of the time Love Chunks is away.
Dear, funny little dog.