Sapphire's Sinister Scene

Christmas is now a dim, best-forgotten (for most of us) memory - especially seeing as our local Coles supermarket had Hot Cross Buns for sale on New Years' Day - but Sapphire recently downloaded her photos, and her improvised homage to the nativity scene caught my eye.

And not in an 'Awww, that's so sweet', way but in an 'Err, oh dear that's a bit unfortunate' kind of way instead.

Whilst it's nice to see that Mary will avoid being stoned to death by horrified locals due to just having given birth to a bastard because of the many protective layers of clothing she has on, she hasn't extended the same courtesy to the baby.

He, poor sod, is resting on some paper, presumably straw, and for some reason Sapphire has seen fit to draw a little goatee on him as well. Who knew that the infant was such a hairy one?

However it is Joseph that concerns me a great deal more. He's fashioned himself a kind of batwing, blousey top that wouldn't look out of place in a 1982 'Flock of Seagulls' video, but isn't wearing any trousers or underwear. Sure, this particular Joseph only has a plastic mound and swivelling leg joints to show the world, but it still disturbs me. He looks as though he would much prefer sashaying his merry way to Mardi Gras than hanging around a potentially-stoned Mary awaiting the so-called Three Wise Men who lose their way, miss the birth by several days and provide useless gifts.

The donkey appears to have a much closer relationship with Joseph than biblical texts ever hinted at, despite it bearing the weight of a heavily pregnant Mary for the lengthy journey to Bethlehem. Far be it for me to dare suggest anything as sordid as bestiality, but its head is much too close to Jo Joe's bare butt for my comfort.

However this sick little scene did end up being dealt with in a way that the original tablet engravers of the old Testament would approve of: a huge, orange dog with an inquisitive tongue gallumphed over to investigate and ended up knocking Jo over with her tail, inhaling the handerchief, slurping Mary's face, blowing Jesus out of his manger and running off with the donkey in her mouth. Not unlike a great flood crossed with the raw power of Godzilla but set in late 2006.