I quit my job after only five weeks and realise that the past five years haven't been exactly stellar regarding the formal work front.
Five years ago I worked myself into a nervous breakdown;
Three years ago my boss pushed me out;
Last week I resigned.
A breakdown after five years; a firing after two years and a giving-up after five weeks.
What's the next one going to be - going postal after ten minutes?
I don't think so.
After a weekend of crying, I'm trying hard not to see it as a failure but as something I tried that wasn't the right fit; wondering why just getting basic and necessary tasks done needed to be so difficult; why people were tardy, grumpy, hidden from view. Skewing things out of proportion and making me feel miserable, useless and trapped.
Except I wasn't. Trapped, that is.
We all have to suffer rudeness and dishonesty and disinterest at times but I grew tired of hearing, "Yeah they've had a bad year, so aren't likely to be helpful" as something I had to accept. Hearing, "You don't belong to our unit, go somewhere else" when they were the sole owners of the information/room/activity/knowledge and therefore had the power.
So I decided not to put up with it.
Money will be tight - freelancing work starts with 'free' for a reason a lot of the time but I've learned something. I am still employable. I just don't need to say 'yes' to the first thing that's offered, especially when most of the requirements I was looking for in a job weren't there. I can be fussy even if it means that our financial situation will need a much more careful eye.
I need to value the work that I do with and for my family as much as they do and stop worrying about what other people think. I need to get off my arse - or firmly back on it, seeing as it's mostly computer based - and start writing the damn novel that's been percolating, bubbling, brewing in my brain all year.
2011 - Year of change; year of being brave.