Tuesday, July 20, 2010

From Love Chunks to Tough Punk

My husband, always fondly referred to as Love Chunks, is a decent, kind and intelligent man.

He's not vain or selfish and any violence he may have inside him is saved for yelling at the umpires during Crows matches or when setting up flatpack furniture with bent allen keys.

His hair is what we've both referred to as 'low maintenance' and has been pretty well like that since he and I got together. Therefore, he does his own cutting with a set of electric clippers and they've served him well in the past.

On Clipper Day (as it shall henceforth be known), he sets up in the bathroom, standing there clad only in his jocks and gets to work, little pieces of dark hair all over the floor. Several minutes later, I usually get called in to neaten up things around the back of his head and sweep the fluff off the floor as he steps into the shower.

Saturday was Clipper Day and I popped into the bathroom expecting to do my usual task and see my normal beloved, safe-and-nice-looking, neatly-clipped husband in front of me.

Not this day.

According to him, my expression looked a lot like this:

....because Love Chunks had given himself a Number One all over and now looked like this:

After snorting and chuckling so hard the clipped hairs flew all about the room, he said, "Well this is my new look now Kath, so you better get used to it - after all, it's this or total baldness."

I was still too shocked to steady my hands enough to clean up the back of his ---- shocking haircut. "But you look like Russell Crowe in Romper Stomper," I spluttered.

Amidst the echoing amplificiation of my abnormally high-pitched comments, Sapphire ran in. "What's wrong---- DAD! You look so mean!"

"I've got so little hair left, Sapph," he said, "And nobody wants to see anyone pretending to have hair they don't do they?"

Shaken, she nodded silently and backed out of the room, closing the door very gently behind her.
"Er, LC, you've got that really long hair that's growing on the top of your ear. At least pluck that out."

He did. "Funny how the hair on my head seems to have moved into my eyebrows, nose, ears, back and bum, isn't it?"

I thought for a moment, looking at my personal suburban Skinhead standing in front of me; his eyes twinkling in cheeky glee, clearly revelling in the fact that he'd genuinely surprised me.

"Well all I can say is that you'd better be careful in yoga class or the prickles on your head might accidentally velcroe themselves to your fuzzy arse."

My offended march out of the room was lost amongst his hooting laugh.

And no, dear readers, I didn't take a photo.

I can't. I won't.

My beloved SLR should be used for beautiful things, noble things, worthy things. Things like Sapphire and holidays and Milly and nature and chocolate.

And butterflies.

Pretty, pretty butterflies....


LJP said...

I understand the animosity towards flat packed furniture. There should be some law against it. As for LC, I'm sure everyone is curious to see a pic...

franzy said...

I am DYING to shave my head again. Ah ... such freedom ... such fuzziness ...

Just be thankful it's not a mohawk.

Kath Lockett said...

You're right LJP, there SHOULD be a law against it! As for the photo....I. Just. Can't. (runs back into the corner to continue rocking to and fro)

Franzy, don't go planting ideas like that - Love Chunks sometimes reads this you know!

Cat J B said...

Omg, love the yoga comment.

My hubby gave himself and the boys all a no.4 haircut a while back (as you know). Not a problem except it was the first ever haircut my wispy haired blonde baby had. What is it with men and clippers? They just can't hep themselves.

Kath Lockett said...

Men and Clippers, CatJB - maybe it's the new metrosexual version of Men and outdoor Mowers?

drb said...

I think LC looks good in his new haircut. He has such a perfect shaped head with no knobbly bits or wrinkles! He should have done it sooner! Now, he looks totally trendy!!! Double thumb-ups!

drb said...

Plus the super-short haircut makes his super-blue eyes pop!

Maybe you are just worried that he attracts too much attention now....

The Plastic Mancunian said...

G'Day Kath,


Good on ya, LC!


I would love to remove all of the hair from my head. It would be the final battle in a life long struggle with sentient hair that has been the cause of a lot of embarrassment in my life.

Mrs PM, however, might react inin a similar way to you though, Kath, and I fear the consequences.

I might try it as an experiment though ...




River said...

Love, LOVE the cat's expression! and the butterfly is gorgeous, how did you manage to sneak up and get that?
Of course now I really, really want to see a pic of the newly shaved head.
I agree he's going to have to be careful in yoga class, he could puncture the mat with the stubble....

JahTeh said...

I have to agree with him, Kath. I'm losing hair on top and gaining it in other places that haven't seen hair in years but not in the ears, not yet. Lately I have been hiding the scissors because of an insane desire to lop off the red tresses, perhaps it's the year of the lemming hair.

WV is a doozy = aeapsyla

Elisabeth said...

Kath, you certainly have me in stitches here even if at the expense of your Love Chunks's dignity.

It amazes me that beyond a certain age, the bald head can look shocking on many a man.

And that wonderful image of the threatened cat...Says it all.

nuttynoton said...

the trouble with adding the years is you remove the hair on top and it grous out of just about every orifice, at least that is what it seems like to me good on him he has to keep surprising you doesn't he!!

word - ousistio - that seems appropriate!

LC said...

LC currently stands for Liberated Chap.

It seems like this is the only place where my scalping has attracted a bit of interest. I suspect that it's only those that see me every day that are struck by the difference between the .6mm of the no. 2 and the .4mm of the no. 1. Although I have got some "looks" from those clearly too shy (or frearful) to say: "What the feck".

I'd be only too happy to provide a snap.

Thanks for the interest and the kind words - especially from DrB, whom I know is far ahead of most on the evolutionary scale and therefore clearly has superior taste and discernment.

Anonymous said...


Lidian said...

My dear spouse always wants me to cut his hair shorter than I do (I have been in charge of his haircuts for 25 years now - that makes me feel really old!) - but I like it a bit long.

I love that cat's expression, BTW. I often seem to have the same expression at least once a day, lately ;)

The Man at the Pub said...

As a fellow self-clipper, I wish to express my solidarity with LC. I usually go the #2. My wife says it looks good, as I'm balding from the front back, and there's a clause in my marriage contract forbidding me from growing my hair. But go the extra few millimetres, and BANG! Instant psychopath! The large scar on my head from a fight I had with a moving car as a teenager only adds to the effect.

But damn it, The shorter you go the less time betwen clips. And surely a bloke is allowed to have a change every now and then? Even if his options are limited to #2, #1 or #0? I think its somewhere in the UN Charter of Human Rights, so back off full-head-of-hair freaks! And keep fighting the power brother!

Pandora Behr said...

Kath, at least he doesn't have a comb over - that would really give you something to complain about....
Great blog - as usual.

Vanessawith3 said...

Ahh men and clippers. Fortunately homme is too afraid to do the self-clip for fear of my reaction. He does however (once or twice a year) come home with a 'professional' number 2. He is in complete envy of his younger bro who is balding (and fighting it with every inch of his body)while he has a lovely full head of hair. He also has a scar on his noggin which makes him look evil when he goes the fuzz cut. I do find this post interesting in comparison to your own haircut post though....

Kath Lockett said...

DrB, you're very kind...Or blind?

Plasman - if you do try giving yourself a number one, please let me know the outcome; AND your new address after Mrs PM boots you out.

River, it seems like Love Chunks is willing to put up a photo but I. Just. Can't. Not yet. Butterflies; yes, butterflies. Pretty pretty butterflies....

JahTeh the day you get a nose and ear hair trimmer set as a gift is the day you can take the scissors to your lustrous red locks, okay?

Elisabeth, Love Chunks always manages to remain dignified, even in his jocks, skinhead 'do and laughing like a hyena.

Nutty. Ousistio: the delicate maneouvres required to pluck out one's own nasal hairs without sneezing.

LC - dearest - does 'frearful' mean that your co-workers are also 'fricken frightened' of you as well as fearful?

LIdian - there's enough in life to have that cat's expression at least once. Every single day!

PubMan - LC does indeed have a few boyhood scrapes and footy-related scars on the back of his bonce that are hidden under a number two cut but revealed right now.

Pandora, you're right. He went for the clippers as soon as he noticed that the hair was migrating south towards his bum. Unlike the guy in the old Godfrey's tv commercials.

Vanessa - well spotted. You're the first one to point out my hypocrisy over a short hair cut, but I'll have you know that mine was a shaggy NUMBER FOUR cut compared to his Romper Stomper style.

River said...

Kath, if I knew how to pixilate the face portion of a photograph, I'd show you what my son does with his clippers. He's been shaving his head off and on since he was 13. Doesn't appreciate his gorgeous blond curls.

drb said...

I confess that I PUT the thought of shaving in LC's head.... ;-)

mele said...

I had to shave my head once for medical reasons. One of my very tall, big and manly friends put his hands on my hair and said 'It feels soft... like a koala'.

So now you've got rabbit fur and LC's gone koala?

Franzy DON'T EVEN THINK about it.

Baino said...

Oh you're so mean, no photo? It'll grow back. Adam's prone to shaving his head now and then. Give it a couple of weeks. Don't even get me started on flat packs and alun keys

Romana said...

hilarious! my hubby does the No.1 clipper cut all over too - and has the long ear hair. I made the mistake of trying to tweezer it out once. He nearly flew out of his chair to biff me one, poor baby, lol. such a sook. he never asked me to get a brazillian after that incident ;)

Kath Lockett said...

River, your son's been doing it since he was THIRTEEN? And he has blonde curls? Ah, the inhumanity of it all!

Don't blame yourself, DrB. Love Chunks is in full control of his actions - my approval notwithstanding!

Mele, apparently I've got mouse fur and Love Chunks has ...... velcro. Heaven help us if our heads should accidentally mesh when we're asleep. I recall a photo of Franzy in some ginormous clogs with what looked like a Number three haircut - not a look that floated your boat??

Too true Romana. I've tweezed a couple of LC's ear hairs and he was most upset, accusing me of hurting him deliberately.