The allure of Love Chunks

Love Chunks (LC), despite the silly moniker I’ve dumped on him in blogsville is my husband, lover and utterly, totally my most bestest friend.

For those who know only part of my story, you may have already worked out that I’ve had a pretty bad year this year. Work was most likely the major cause because it skewed my emphasis on what was important in life. It affected my performance and self esteem and left me feeling as though I could no longer cope. Conversely, it could also be fairly argued that a great deal of it was caused by my own self perceptions and my reactions to things, but regardless of the reasons it left me vulnerable, exhausted and damaged.

LC found me on the floor after work, sobbing and having done something incredibly stupid in order to try to escape the world of failure and despair I believed myself to be in. I don’t remember too much about the next few vitally important steps, but I do remember that he was by my side in the ambulance, at my bedside in the emergency department and in the hospital room. At 1:00am I was finally aware enough to answer his questions and for him to feel confident enough to dash home for a quick nap and a shower.

When he returned to my bedside at 6am and I saw his tired, worried face, my wailing was so loud it caused the nurses to rush in, not knowing that LC had returned already. His top rapidly became soaked with my tears as I cried out all of my pain and shame. Over the next eight weeks he arranged to take time off work, dealt with phone calls, visits and queries from family and friends, made sure that he was home with me and just took care of things. He walked Sapphire to school and picked her up when I felt too overwhelmed and embarrassed to be seen by anyone. He cooked, cleaned, ran errands and often simply sat with me, holding my hand. He made me laugh many times and the encircling of his strong arms reminded me of what was important and worth hanging around for. There’s no nicer warmth and smell in my world than a deep hug from my lovely LC.

This was the same man who, six years earlier, sat slumped in exhaustion with his face pressed against the drawers next to my bed during the 29 hours it took for Sapphire to enter the world. The man who, for countless occasions, has patiently stroked my forehead and emptied sick buckets during migraine attacks; and who has willingly taken Sapphire out to the park or zoo for the afternoon to give me time to recuperate afterwards. Not once have I ever heard him utter the phrase: "You owe me."

On cold nights when I’d be hopping back to bed on the floorboards after a middle-of-the-night loo stop he’d roll over to let me hog the warmth from his body until I was taken care of. Then I’d gently push him back when I was comfortable again. Love Chunks is also the kind of bloke who is not bothered in the slightest about buying tampons from the supermarket or letting our daughter Sapphire paint his face like a lion during a Crows’ game on television.

He has read the first four Harry Potter books in their entirety to Sapphire over the course of the year; both of their heads close together in concentration as he reads out loud clearly and patiently answers all of Sapphire’s questions. He’ll gently scold me for kissing the dog on the head, when later he’s found outside with her little furry body cradled in his arms.

When he returned from his brief and busy overseas trip he made sure that he bought Sapphire a gold necklace and me some gold and lapis-lazuli earrings. He phoned us whenever he could and sent emails every day. I counted down the hours until he came home yet was proud of his achievements and the opportunities he’d been given. LC’s never been one to boast about himself, so I – with the best of intentions – try to do it on his behalf.

How on earth do I repay such a person? What should I buy him for Christmas – a couple of books and DVDs seems insulting for all that he’s done for me. If Lotto does the right thing by us, he'd ideally like a fishing boat, trailer and new car, but I’m wondering whether a weekend away with lots of wine and good food might do the trick.

I’m just hoping that he’ll want to take me with him.