The Australian Open is on and I sometimes watch it. I'll admit to being slightly partial to the class that is Roger Federer but normally I can sit and watch whoever's playing, with an eye to my knitting, patting Milly or skimming through a novel.
Andy Roddick, however, is a tool and commanded my entire attention.
After thinking hard and deciding to be honest about the return of my black dog I walked away from the computer and sat on the sofa next to Love Chunks, still in tears. He automatically put his arm around me and I leaned into him which I'm beginning to see is a good thing and nothing to waste time worrying about whether it's deserved or not.
As we chatted and waited for the start of the Andy Roddick and Marin Cilic match, channel seven showed us a few 'highlights', cleverly hidden under Optus' 'sounds of the open' badge.
Roddick-the-rectum was having a whinge to the chair umpire about someone in the crowd making a noise that distracted him. The umpire explained that apart from reminding the crowd to be quiet between points and whilst the players were serving, they were limited in what they could do if security were not able to pinpoint the actual person being a nuisance.
"There's not much else we can do," he said, to a curled-lip Rectum.
Roddick went on to complain a bit more and as LC and I sat there and wondered at the nastiness behind the complaint and the utter disdain he was showing towards the umpire, I realised that my black dog had obviously ducked out for a doo-doo for a moment, giving me a bit of time to breathe without the extra weight.
Roid-slick was showing me that a cosseted lifestyle in which you can fling towels at ball kids, curse an umpire, ask for somebody to rub your shoulder-woulder when you're losey-wosing and maybe twitter a vague apology later ("I wasn't 100 percent right") is wrong.
Of course we all know it's wrong, but I realised that a tool like Candy-Andy lives a life where his only concern is how well he hits a fuzzy bouncing ball and how much money he receives whilst doing it.
He doesn't need to behave like a decent person or worry about how his actions affect the feelings or self esteem of others. He's not measured for his morals or fairness and isn't expected to discuss anything beyond his sponsor and ranking. He is not required to do his share of household chores, cook a meal, be a genuine member of a local community or think of solutions that might help others around him.
What a sad, stupid git.
Perhaps it is a negative way for me to grasp at straws but as factors such as age, stronger players and injuries take their toll and his ranking decreases, my ranking can only go up.
And that's a good thing.