Monday, June 08, 2009

Lizzie's Long Weekend

Despite a Pommy monarch literally living half a world away who actually had her real birthday in April and most of us wanting a Republic, we Aussies are still never going to knock back a day off.

Our three days were spent doing activities that avoided the rain but still:

  • Allowed us to clean up the litter in our street, respond to some lip given by loitering teenagers (yes, to one boy - at least I think it was a boy - I actually curled my lip and said, "Pull UP your pants, fool") and give Milly the dog some nice walkies at the same time ("That's right sweetie, you can chase those friendly kids away, that's right....")
  • Taught us that Footscray Markets are to avoided at all costs if such issues as the odouriferous fug of fermenting fruit, pre-WW2 prawn heads, overly-elastic hygiene guidelines and the beauty of decaying Soviet-era concrete design are of concern
  • Showed that home-made pasta is fiddly and time-consuming but very delicious. Especially if done by Love Chunks and Sapphire whilst I am reading the paper and patting the rabbit.
  • Proved to me that blowing on cooked and freshly served food is essential before greedily inhaling. Hot caramel sauce studded with chunks of banana with lava-like tendencies will steadfastly stick to the roof of my mouth and create a painful blister that protests against any food hotter than refrigerated chocolate for days afterwards if I don't blow.
  • Allowed us to witness the Crows defeat Essendon in Melbourne. One Bombers bloke in a newsboy's cap saw my wild clapping further along his row and, in frustration, he yelled something about my having a 'Far Cough'. I feigned indifference and added to the maturity level of our shouted discussion by poking my tongue out and showing him my grandmother's gold ring on my middle finger. Sapphire was shocked, LC resigned.

However, in amongst our various activities, I was subtlely trying to get a photo of the three of us together; looking casual: an informal portrait, having fun, just being a contented family enjoying each others' company. I'd noticed that our photos tend to feature only one or two of us in them and a Lockett Triple was becoming rarer than a happy marriage in Hollywood.

I had been asked to submit a good quality, high-res picture for a magazine article I'd been interviewed for, but trying to take a photo in the evenings when we were all together meant that the flash and automatic timer thingy made me look whiter than usual, LC more tired and Sapphire more recalcitrant.

In addition, like the badly-timed and later-regretted re-telling of jokes at dinner parties, we three tend to be folk who are best viewed 'live', as in "You had to be there." The camera doesn't seem to flatter us much, let alone cast us in an optimistic light.

No, I'm not being overly harsh. These photos below were taken at the footy by a kind bloke who sat directly in front of me and even offered his M magazine (containing the essential TV guide for the week) to help me mop up the Diet Coke that I'd dropped and then opened only to have it fizz directly down the neck of his parka. They clearly illustrate how difficult it is to get the three of us photogenically acceptable:

I tend to resemble an elderly potato, Love Chunks is obviously sitting on something excruciating (or just did something excruciating) and Sapphire is at that oh-so-helpful 'let's make a funny face' stage. *Sigh*

I didn't feel like asking my soggy Diet Coke victim to take a seventh picture, especially when his three mates were standing impatiently nearby rocking on their heels kicking at crumpled beer tumblers and muttering, "Come on Trevor, this is our last bloody night before we fly back to Adelaide and our wives."

But how was I going to obtain a recent family portrait that exemplified the ideals of work/life balance and not the less attractive ideals of facial tics, self-abuse, uncomfortable stadium seating, disrespect and too much sugar?

Perhaps the Star Wars exhibit at Scienceworks would help?

Hmmm. At least posing with a gender-reassigned Senator Palpatine and Luke 'This is my Warwick Capper hair' Skywalker made me feel a bit better about myself. There was a Princess Leia in her Planet Hoth (the icy place) outfit that made me wonder if she'd enjoyed too many hot toddies at the rebel base, an Obi Wan Kenobi who was channelling Marlon Brando rather than Sir Alec Guinness and the less said about Darth Vader and Leia as the bikini-clad slave the better...

A smaller and slimmer Darth was found in the gift shop, slumped forlornly against the wall. After an hour of queing to get into the musuem followed by another half hour queue at the cafe for lunch before the final half hour queue to get into the Star Wars exhibition, he was feeling as tired and emotional as I was.

So the fabulous family foto will just have to wait for another day. A day of soft lighting, forgiving camera work, a malleable child and comfortable husband, a tan for me and a graduation course in Photoshop and Picasa. Cross your fingers and hope that the force will one day be with us.


the projectivist said...

holy mother of god!
that Luke had a shiny head of hair that makes me quite, QUITE envious. i wonder what styling products he uses. did you by any chance ask?
i'm sure that was the first thing on your mind when you saw him, Kath.

your long weekend sounds glorious.
why is it that we always remember that 'blowing on food' rule after the fact?
home made pizza is my weakness - i just cannot wait to shove that stuff straight down my gob as soon as it comes out of the oven.

word verification is psychic.
- nonchai.

too right.
damn that chai
i don't like it
i don't like it one bit.

Together We Save said...

I don't like saggy pants either.

Baino said...

Haha we call those "Facebook" photos, the ones where you really don't look like you but always end up on Facebook . . . and I agree, they're not flattering at all, you're much more attractive in the flesh. I loved the Star Wars exhibition, we had it at the Powerhouse Museum here during January and went twice! Although I don't remember anything other than a rather plump Obewan cruising amongst the kiddywinks.

Kath Lockett said...

Projectivist, I did ask Luke, actually, and replied that I thought he looked more like Strauchanie than Capper. I saw him as we queued and was sorely tempted to have him as one of my 'mystery' segments but then chunky Leia turned up and LC whispered the obvious-but-funny in my ear: "Well there's one Leia that I wouldn't want to."

TWS - Baggy pants - are we talking about Luke's or mine? I did notice that Luke's 'boots' are actually formed from Grosby slippers. He'd gone for warmth and comfort which is a sensible Melbourne choice!

Baino - Yes, the Star Wars Appreciation Society fans seem to have the costumes organised but not the physiques, bless 'em.

The Man at the Pub said...

Yeah good luck with... umm... all of that.

I love Star Wars, but local over-enthusiasts in costume seems a bit craptacular to me. Kind of ruins the magic of the big screen and the willing suspension of disbelief ("Hi I'm Luke Skywalker. Actually, I'm Trevor from Bayswater and I'm on my lunchbreak"). But if they have life-size starfighters, I'm so there!

The Man at the Pub said...

Oh and that Queen Leia Regina II pic proves there is a serious disturbance in the force.

eleanor bloom said...

That is bloody hilarious (especially for one such as myself who also takes a hideous photo... or so i like to believe...).
Those pics gave me such a laugh. Look at those snarls! Love it!! And then the wee, weary Darth; Luke's tresses...
Again Kath, thanks for the laugh. :)

River said...

Do you have a photo editing program and a printer? Choose which of the six has the best facial expression per person, crop each individual picture to have only the desired face, print them out, stick the wanted faces together on a piece of A4, scan it in then print that. It may not turn out the worlds best photo, but you'll have hours of fun?
you could even substitute Milyy's head and see if that looks better, Ha Ha.
Star Wars? Meh.......
Stargate, now that's a different story.

Kath Lockett said...

MATP, no life-size fighters alas, or you and I would be in a shoving match to get into the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon...

Thanks Eleanor, I'm glad somebody 'gets' my humour because I cracked up when I saw the tired little Darth in the shop and earned a few 'who's the nutter over there' stares from other patrons.

River, I think it's coming to that - a cut and paste job because THREE PEOPLE can't pose properly at the same time. Ridiculous!

Benjamin Solah said...

Love the photos. Sapphire is cute. She looks like my sister, I swear - goofy faces and all. Actually I make better goofy faces :P

Benjamin Solah said...

Oh and she looks totally like Dakota Fanning

Helen said...

You had a star wars expo? I'm so jealous! Although I admit, when I went to see one of the movies and a few friends arrived all dressed up, it was rather awkward!

And for the record, I love the photos! Just because you aren't all posing, doesn't take away the liveliness and fun you guys seemed to be having!

It should be easy enough to photo-shop the pictures together, but I would recommend the three of you squishing together and one of you holding the camera pointed at you and then taking a million shots. One of them is bound to be your winner!

Kath Lockett said...

Thanks Benjamin - actually a lot of people have said that Sapph looks like Dakota Fanning, especially if they've just seen the 'I am Sam' movie. I'll admit that Love Chunks and I saw it years ago and went, 'Whoah there - are we seeing the Yankee doppelganger of our child here?'

Helen it was kind of an 'expo' but disguised as science. Scattered amongst the costumes and models of ships used by the filmakers is a few bits and bobs about how far advanced (or not) we are in regard to using Star Wars technology. Answer: waaaaay behind.

Note to other readers - as we were queing, I said to LC, 'What is a collective of Star Wars geeks called?' The best we could come up with was 'A Herd of Nerds' or 'A Gathering of Geeks'. Any other suggestions?

franzy said...

You called the funny face behaviour a "stage".

River said...

Hee hee, a Herd of Nerds.
Have you seen the series 'Chuck"?
Chuck is a computer expert, part of the Nerd Herd who work in an electronics store called Buy More.

Marceyness said...

Nothing wrong with those family pics, very natural!

Ah the Star Wars thing looked pretty nerdtacular. Me and Dan were going to go on Monday but opted to see Wolverine instead.

Helen (another one) said...

Don't go to Footscray Market, go to Little Saigon - it is TEH AWESOME. 63 Nicholson st.

Thanks for reminding me of the Star Wars thing, that will be excellent for entertaining small boys in the holidays.