Friday, October 24, 2008

AWW




















No, I don't think the spoiled tennis brat and his soapy wife on the cover are cute; AWW is an acronym for the Australian Women's Weekly. I got a couple of mentions on page 246 and it's enough to cheer me up and distract me from nervously wiping everything inside the house 6 foot and below with a damp chux.

Plus, I've just vaccuumed and mopped all the floors and have trapped myself in the study, waiting for them all to dry. You'll be pleased to know that the anal -retentive part of me has thought this scenario through carefully, and I'm in here with the laptop, the phone, a Farmers Union Feel Good iced coffee and some vegemite and cheese-slathered cruskits.

Actually, eating cruskits are a bit of a challenge in my current Nazi Housefrau mode because they're crumbly little buggers. I've been biting into their cardboardy shells by leaning my head back and letting the wholegrain shards plop directly in, hoping like hell that the neighbour on my south side isn't treated to my silhouette from their courtyard.

Milly's asleep at my feet in her beanbag, slightly huffy because I kept her outside when the vacuum was on and because I haven't dropped anything edible on the floor for her own little wet black hoover attachment to suck up and enjoy.

Back to AWW:




















And:


















As I gaze down at my crackly, wrinkled hands, worn out from too many excessive rinses and wringings out of the chux superwipe, the irony of the article's title (and the uncanny likeless of the insanely laughing lady in the photograph) does not escape me:




















I never wear yellow and she's probably flopped out on the ground because she's already sold her flippin' house.....

Perhaps, when the floors are finally dry and I've carefully put away the mop and bucket, un-fingerprinted the class coffee table, de-spotted the kitchen sink, cleaned out Skipper's hutch and finished sweeping up all of the pesky bark chips and bottle brush blossoms outside I'll take my own advice and pick up Sapphire from school and head directly to Cibos for gelati. Do not pass go, but feel welcome to collect $200......

11 comments:

franzy said...

Not being a fan of AWW, I automatically assumed from looking at the cover that you had either
a) Discovered an old issue wedged under something in your house-cleaning rage;
b) Bought a current issue or
c) Come across an issue from The Fuuutuuurree dating from the year 2010, 2012, 2015, 2017 or 2023.

You just know that since Spewy's tennis career ain't hit too many highs since getting hitched, he needs to prove his squeaky masculinity by dripping his watery seed onto Bec rather than say, any Grand Slam finals court.

franzy said...

I hereby claim ownership of the phrase "watery seed". Not that anyone else was leaping at the opportunity.

And sorry in advance, Kath, if you end up having to explain "watery seed" to Sapphire.

Watery seed.
I'll stop saying it now and get back to work.

franzy said...

Oh - and major MAJOR MAJOR tally-hos to you for being quoted in a mega publication!

River said...

Your first paragraph almost had me adding the AWW to tomorrow's shopping list, then I scrolled down and read the articles you so kindly inserted in your post. Thanks for that. You've saved me a few dollars which means i can buy some kind of fantastic snack foods (mmm, doughnuts) to take with me when I visit my daughter at Marleston on Sunday.
No more bids on the house yet?

Catherine said...

Congratulations on being featured in the Weekly. As you know, my mum gets the Weekly, so I WILL be reading the article in full. Here's to more mentions in national publications!
And I hope you did take little Miss S to Cibo for that gelati.

Kath Lockett said...

Thanks Franzy. Thrice! 'Watery seed' is all yours.

River, go for the snack foods every time. AWW is always in the doctor's surgery, my Mum's place or at the local pizza place on the rare occasion I'll go in to pick it up rather than have it home delivered.

Thanks Catherine. Actually she didn't want Cibo - we had a Bulla choc-berry straight outta the freezer, a cuddle with our pets and now we've got Abba (her choice) blasting out of the sound system whilst she's crocheting some hens in a nest.....

Miles McClagan said...

And to think the glittering highlight of my fame is being on the front of the North West Tasmania phone book (1986)...

Lidian said...

That is so cool, you being quoted in AWW!! Very exciting.

drb said...

Yooohooo, that IS pretty exciting!!! How long was the interview?

Have you tried the coffee brewing and biscuit baking tricks yet?

Baino said...

You scored the Women's Weekly? Which is really the Women's monthly? My mother in law is addicted to No Idea.

Take heart dear one. The yellow donned happy cow has a bull ant crawling up her trouser leg. And Spewy and Bec actually live down the road from me. She buys the cheap shit in Freshworld just like the rest of us. And her mother looks like a drag queen! @ Franzy . . I'm so stealing that!

Miley, I'm as famous as you although the industry mag I wrote eons ago is in the National Library in Canberra . .then so is On the Street! *ho hum*

delamare said...

Living well is the best revenge. How true Kath. Certainly been the case for me after I left my own horrible work experience 18 months ago.