Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bum Faced Nit

I know this is hardly original, but checking up blog statistics is rather new to me, an oldish blogger. The numbers of new visitors versus regular visitors is interesting, but search words that lead strange lurkers to my site are fascinating.

In the past month, these following phrases have led a motley bunch of cyber sinners to Blurb from the Burbs:

  • Bum Faced Nit - should I be offended or worried that this phrase led directly to me?

  • Sharply angled bowel - mine is irritable (sometimes even extremely angry) yes, but I've never been keen enough to measure it for angles or geometric formulae

  • Chloe Sauvignon naked - whoever this person or persons are; they search for her many, many times a week. My guess is they mean Chloe Sevigny, but either can't spell, or hope she likes a dry white wine.

  • My physical rectum site - oooh er, that's bound to be hilarious

  • Dangling Schlong Satisfy - is that really the official brand name of the product you're after?

  • Jam Jar - No idea. None. And if it's connected to the two-girls-and-a-cup-video, I'd prefer to stay ignorant.

  • Picture of Balfour's custard tart - Yep, one of my favourite naughty snacks.

  • Volksie bonnet - fair enough, I did moan about my 'book fat' gain of twelve kilograms which I've nearly lost. Yanks tend to refer to this denim-clad fattie phenomenon as 'Camel Toe' but I prefer the Aussie term.

  • Shetland Pony Fungal Infection - it is with a fair dollop of confidence that I can state that I have never included those four words in a sentence before. Not awake or sober, at least.

  • Young sexy chicks denture wearer - sure, I wear a mouthguard to bed, but the rest?

  • Nicole Richie disrespects nudists - why, because they tend to be the ugly, chubby kind that are best left covered up. And if so, this doesn't seem like a bad thing.

  • Peter Hellier ugly - amongst other, greater shortcomings, like being chronically unfunny

  • Wobbly Goolies 2008 - not sure if this is a band or a celebration

  • Perth root canal forums - Woo hoo, that's right up there with the previously mentioned 'My Physical Rectum Site'

  • Mouse erection - Yes, this one has been mentioned here. I remember this was mentioned by a commenter (Helen) who is a biology PhD student who had the good fortunen to know something about this particular topic. My blog article however, was referring to humans.

  • How to de-fluff a towel - a common quandary yes, but not likely to score too highly on the devoted website-meter

  • Cat shit and migraines - Absolutely I feel like shit when I have a migraine, but didn't realise I'd ever been pedantic enough to specify a particular variety of animal excrement to describe the feeling

  • Mariah Carey farting in front of husband - Best Search Phrase Ever. I hope they found proof.

Please kind comrade - how do you de-fluff a towel?


squib said...

I find search terms endlessly entertaining. I should really be working for Google

Casey said...

I think I might be guilty of searching for a few of those. I think it was the mouse erection and the trapezoid bowel.

Homo J. Sapien said...

You mean this is NOT a blog about the fungal diseases of Shetland Ponies??? Then why am I wasting my time here?

Chestnut Mare said...

I've only recently heard of the expression "Camel Toe." It was on last weeks episode of South Park. I've never heard of the "Volksie Bonnet"!!! I've always referred to the phenomenon as "Mumbles." You can see her lips move, but can't understand a word she's saying!!!!

Daisy said...

WTF! These are totally hilarious!

Baino said...

Clearly testimony to your creative writing skills, innovative headlines and loquacious posts . . .or your totally perverted sense of humour. I've never actually checked the search phrases on my site. Volksie Bonnet . . .heheheh! I thought that was an original! You heard about the two girls and a cup? Jesus, tell me you didn't watch it?

Miles McClagan said...

Personal favourite from mine: "Effie Michaels Aerobicz (sic) Oz Style Playing Golf Accident"

I don't know what that means, but I'm intrigued...

franzy said...

A quick squiz at mine reveals
"write a premature sentence! do it or ill hate you", the somehow quite sad "jono mars bar adelaide" and simply "wukka".

Helen said...

Volksie bonnet is brilliant!

I mentioned mouse erections? really? I'l'l have to go back and see, maybe I blacked out or something...