Monday, February 16, 2009

VD


As you can see, when abbreviated, Valentine's Day doesn't sound quite as romantic when associated with Venereal Disease and a visit to the clinic. Perhaps this is why Love Chunks and I rarely celebrate it.

No, not because we both regularly catch VD dear reader, but because we loathe the idea of being forced and harangued by screaming advertisers, all media and huge conglomerates as to when we have to be officially and extrovertingly romantic.

The bushfire tragedies and the fact that VD fell on a Saturday would have been extremely annoying for purveyers of over-priced, non-smelling, miniscule rose buds, dodgy greeting cards and foil balloons. Not only were most people electing to donate whatever money they would have wasted on impressing their Main Squeezes to the
Red Cross Bushfire Appeal but also because there'd be no point paying for bouquets and teddy bears to be hand-delivered as a means of showing off when it was a weekend and there'd be no co-workers to feel jealous or inadequate when said loved one got a call to come on down to the Reception Desk to pick up their poncy petals and appear more cherished as a result.

I honestly feel a bit sorry for blokes at VD time. No, stay with me, dear reader, not those who stray and end up with a raging case of the old fella itches, but those who are in happy and stable relationships and yet are continually peppered from all directions with advice on how to be more romantic, surprise her with gifts, be more thoughtful, change the bog roll when there's only a quarter of a square and that line of glue left; blah blah yawn. How come it is the men who are under pressure to surprise their partners and 'rediscover romance' but us girls get away scot-free? (By the way, who was this Scot and why did he always escape responsibility?)

Why aren't we women also being urged to surprise our loved one with flowers (or, let's face it, a year of lawn mowing and whipper snippering), choccies (replace with boutique beer and corn chips) or fancy meals out (think wide-screen tv, blissful silence and begging to provide them with sexual favours at every waking moment or quarter time break: whichever is most appropriate).

I'll stand up and admit that I too am guilty of forgetting that LC might also want a bit of romance in his life. We had our 14th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago and I completely forgot about it until my nine year old daughter reminded me and my husband walked in with a funny card that was filled with his most heart-warming and beautiful sentiments inside.

On Saturday, I disappointed him yet again. No cards, no red-heart-shaped underwear, pancakes or cute cocoa coffee froth but a whining, "Love Chunks, would you mind taking a look at my head? It feels really itchy."

And sure enough he found them. Head lice. Heaps of the critters; crawling, eating, flinging out their infernally evil eggs faster than a detoxing card sharp at the craps table. Yes, at forty years of age, I was suffering my first case of the creepy crawlies despite picking out at least twenty infestations from Sapphire's head over the past five years.

Without even a tiny sigh of self-pity, Love Chunks grabbed the lice comb, flicked on every light in the living room and sat me between his knees ready for a nit-pick. For the next hour he painstakingly searched, found, caught and squashed every louse on my scone and picked off each single, super-glue- sticky egg from every strand of hair.














It was boring, painful and gave both of us sore eyes and cricked necks. Nits are itchy, invasive and disgusting, yet being the Picker (as I often am with Sapphire) or the Pickee (the role Love Chunks was 'enjoying') makes the process a rather intimate one. Frequent but gentle combing, his breath lightly on my neck and me placing my trust in him entirely. "Don't worry, I'll get all the little buggers out." That's romance.

He checked everywhere and ensured that not a single egg or nit was left. True perfectionist behaviour that I was lucky to be the recipient of.


....as I am every morning when he wakes up first, grinds the beans and makes us both the nicest cup of coffee ever.


....as I am when he tirelessly gets up to soothe Sapphire when she wakes up from a nightmare, or is thirsty, wondering what that weird buzzing noise is in the street or loses her pillow.


.....as I am when he cooks nine out of ten meals for us, works tirelessly to set up the complicated things like the shed, the gym, the bbq, the watering system, the storage solutions.

.....as I am when he reaches for my hand just before he falls asleep and I still feel so honoured that it's mine he wants to hold after all this time.


17 comments:

Baino said...

Yeh that's what it's all about, nit picking and hand holding allthe time, not just Valentine's Day although you are aware that traditionally, it's the day the goils ask the fellas for their hand in marriage? All a bit old fashioned now. And fear not, nits only like clean hair!

Kath Lockett said...

Thanks for the reassurance, Baino. I wash mine every day, so now I've decided to do it every-second-day, but already it's driving me nuts; it feels so oily and lank.....

River said...

Y'know, some people reckon soul-mates don't exist, but after reading this, I'd have to say they're wrong. You and LC are obviously a match made in heaven.
Yuk on the lice and nits though. Get one of those cheap 500ml spray bottles from coles or wherever you do your shopping, tip in a bottle of tea tree oil, top it up with water and keep it in your bathroom. Every morning when combing your hair and Sapphire's, spray lightly with the spray. (Shake it first) No more nits or lice, they are deterred by the smell and feel, although it's not strong and humans can't smell or feel it.

Kath Lockett said...

I'll give it a go River, but our current headlice hairspray of TeaTree, Geranium and another oil that escapes me just isn't working.

*scratch scratch* - I'm getting paranoid now - any twinge even vaguely above my neck and I'm scratching madly.

River said...

Has to be the pure oil. My daughter T has been living in Crafers for almost 10 years, it's a well known lice hot spot, (the hills, not just Crafers), they've been using the tea tree spray for about 6 years now with no more lice problems.

Anonymous said...

One way to avoid lice could be to take part in that charity Great Australian Shave thing and get the whole mop lopped, depriving the little beggars of somewhere to live.

cheers
B Smith

Starr said...

Well, it's a Valentine's Day neither of you will ever forget :)

That's quite a man you've got. Not many men, or women for that matter, would even go there. He's a keeper!

Hopefully your head isn't too stripped out to be massaged.

Mrs Slocombe said...

It's endless, the nit parade; you got off fairly lightly; a friend of mine has had occasion to flee from the hairdresser in shame, and she doesn't even have kids.....blokes can afford to be magnanimous with nitpicking, because as my beloved often points out to me through gritted teeth, we don't get them!
btw I saw you in the Leader today: nice gig.

Kath Lockett said...

Thanks Mrs S - what Leader was it? I picked up the Moonee Valley one (dated Monday 16th) but just assumed that I was (quite rightly) shoved aside for stories on what locals are doing for the bushfire relief.

dianecurran said...

that's definitely love for you.

I had my first and only outbreak of nits when I was 30, thanks to my partner's younger sister who was about 8 at the time. Cut all my hair off as a result.

my partner wouldn't have dreamed of nit-picking for me, though he regularly flea-picks the cat, and changes his litter. guess, that's love for me!

Mrs Slocombe said...

Kath, your fame has spread as far as Preston!

ashleigh said...

Gee you softy!

As for the nits... here's a neat solution. Conditioner - cheap stuff and lots of it. Immobilises the blighters, then you can search and destroy and just rinse (well wash) it out after. Works a treat.

And whats this about being in some newspaper? What caper you up to now, then?

Todays word verification: Inglow.

Marceyness said...

At least you found the lice! Stupid little things they are, how very annoying that must have been!

Terence McDanger said...

Well, it's not exactly Robert Redford and Meryl Streep in Out of Africa, but these things are relative.

Was much cheered, as a bloke, to see a lady recognising that it shouldn't be all one-way effort at the old romance too.

squib said...

I've never had nits for some weird reason

franzy said...

Without wanting to lower the tone - I think men have been designated our own day. Haven't seen too many card companies taking it up though ...


http://bbandbjday.com/

Kath Lockett said...

....and you haven't got long to wait Franzy 'cos its on the 20th of March!