Sunday, February 08, 2009

Don't they know me at ALL?

















As a distinctly unenthusiastic clothes shopper, I often tend to get my gear via online or mail order. The thought of enduring unendurable techno music, sullenly skinny fifteen year old bottle blonde bimbos re-folding t-shirts whilst ignoring me or having to sift through racks of overpriced and underflattering garments does not appeal to me in the slightest. If it's black, not too ridiculous looking and enables me to blend into a crowd without any visible form of mockery, it'll do. And has done, now, for many years.

However, as a fairly loyal shopper with this particular crowd, you'd assume that they'd have some sort of profile on their internetta-computermachiney-whatchamacallit program that they could run before thinking that it would be a good idea to tempt me with this abomination:

I am invited to a Cardi Party. Well ram my face between a aardvaark's arse crack, a Cardi Party! When, in all my years of being able to make my own decisions on what garment to wear, (roughly thirty and counting) have I ever, ever worn a cardigan, let alone been willing to celebrate the concept of such a godawful gift to garments at a party? And who on earth - even those of you who may ~shudder~ actually wear cardigans from time-to-time, would ever swallow the big fat lie that the atrocities above are 'fashionably smart' ?
What mental pigmy marketer thought that this would entice me to whip out the credit card:


















Cardi On...? You have got to be kidding me, surely. Is this April Fools' Day several weeks early? Am I supposed to wear that white knitted chemist's coat to pick Sapphire up from school?

Should I send them this link to explain my abhorrence to cardigans? Surely someone needs to eduhmuhcate them on what is considered acceptable outer wear. And yes, all this farting fury from someone who wears CROCS.

14 comments:

delamare said...

Now Kath, when I said I was partial to a cardi, I meant a stylish, low-key Country Road number - not one of these FREAKS of polyester! Cripes ... I just can't believe this! I am going to have such fun at work tomorrow when I share the news that people have Cardi-Parties!

Miles McClagan said...

You don't think the popular-ish Swedish band of the late 90s The Cardigans will come round and perform?

Cos I'd go, if they did Implode/Explode...

But there'd probably be a lot of science teachers...

Kath Lockett said...

Put it this way, Delamere: Ezibuy *hope* that people have Cardi Parties. I'm sure their definition of 'people' is in the loosest possible genetic sense of the word.

Miles, even Science Teachers (such as my Dad) would chuck a sickie instead of RSVPing to this one. However if they were paired with socks and sandals it could be a different story....

Catherine said...

Hey where do I get an invitation to this cardi-party? I LOVE my cardies! In fact I bought THREE to wear to work last week! I'm too lazy to iron shirts, too low brow to wear jackets and jumpers just seem a tad too casual (or hot), so cardies it is! Long live the cardi!

goeastyoungwomantodubai said...

You have my full agreement that the short-sleeved thing is an abomination.

The other two I can deal with. Would I personally buy them? Well, people with an ass should never wear long cardigans (even seen them from behind?) and I also look hideous in orange.

So, no.

I do have a thing for body-hugging cardigans over a pencil skirt with a thin belt over top of the cardigan though.

Does that make me evil?

Ces said...

I saw your comment over at Baino's. I just hope you and your family are okay and safe from the fires.

River said...

So, are you going? (ducks quickly to avoid thrown items....)

drb said...

any objection to cute cardi on little girls?

Kath Lockett said...

Catherine, dearest, we may have to re-evaluate our friendship.

Sophie - body hugging cardigans may look good on YOUR body, but not mine. Not ever.

Thanks for visiting, Ces. We are all OK. Being in the big city meant that the skies were dark but we were safe. My husband's workmate lost his house (in Kinglake, he commutes), but his family were all safe. Not so for at least 108 other people and counting.

River, now you're just being cheeky!

No, Dr B, no. It was *when* I was a cute girl that my loathing of cardigans began!

Helen said...

I have to admit, I wear cardigans quite often, everything from the little black one that in can fit in my bag when I go out, in case it gets cold (doesn't matter how you ball it up, it always loks smart) to the knee-length super-warm ones that I can wear in winter when I don't feel like being all constrained in a jacket...

Although a cardi-party is kind of pushing way beyond my limits! I just wish that online shopping was as organised here that I could avoid shopping altogether...

Helen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Helen said...

Although for the record, pockets on cardigans are a MAJOR no! except for the one, and that's because they're diagonal pockets, not horizontal granny-pockets...

I cant believe I'm talking like this...

Oh, and they all have zips, except the one that doesn't have anything to attach it except for a dodgy belt that I threw out, and the other one (which is also the one with pockets, hmmm lost cause?) that has invisible press-stud things that makes it look like it zips up...

Terence McDanger said...

Cardi on Kath. The Carry On movie that never made it past the pitch to the studio bosses.

Kath Lockett said...

Cardi on Kath, Terence, is more likely to be a horror movie bloodbath of terror, mutilation and torture than a tits-n-bums flick!