Monday, January 19, 2009

Pie and a carton of Big M not good enough, then?

One of the best things about returning to Melbourne for my third stint* is The Age newspaper. Lots to read, think about, learn from and admire and about five hundred percent better than Adelaide's Traumatiser tabloid.

A semi-regular feature that will appear in this blog is any small(ish) article that appeals to me. No particular rhyme or reason, just whatever tickles my fancy. And no, there'll be no photographs of said fancy.

Numero Uno appeared on Saturday 17th January and 'tickled' my fancy indeed was:

Firstly, good on 'em. If criminal activity is limited to some dodgy seafood and plonk, then things aren't too bad, surely?

However, the judgmental tone of the snobby 'industry source' decreed that there was no way a normal thief would be able to shuck oysters. And why not? Don't bogan burglars possess knives or at times been given work on the docks or in processing plants? If they can crack a car's club lock, then surely a shellfish isn't going to present much of a puzzle?

Whether they be outlaw chefs or under-qualified heathens, at least the little shuckers didn't vandalise the place, steal any cash or defecate in the cool room.

* I first moved to Melbourne with Love Chunks in 1994, living in a tiny sixties', second-storey flat in Flemington and finding work at the execremental Wormald Security, often referred to by myself as 'WormWorld.' We left there a year later to head up to Darwin so that LC could flex his meteorology muscles and I could start my sensible working life as a 'graduate trainee' in government.

** We returned to Melbourne (via a week off in Bali paid via our 'remote allowance') from Darwin in 1996, buying an ex-housing commission-1950s house in Heidelberg Heights. Sapphire arrived in 1999 and the grim reality of my local Mothers' Group - where the first question asked of the nurse was 'How many beers can I drink when I'm breastfeeding' - as well as regularly Capsicum-Sprayed neighbours, the local retail strip having more drug dealers than open shops and economic inability to buy a house in a better area meant that we returned to Adelaide in 2000.


Terence McDanger said...

'Shucking Oysters'?

Where I come from, a shuck is a small drain taking excess water from a field.

I'd be lost with this lingo. Ergo, I am not the burglar. I'd have gone for the desserts and the beer.

squib said...

I don't know how to shuck them

The Man at the Pub said...

Welcome (back) to Melbourne, "The High-class Criminal Capital of Australia". Yes the Age is better than most papers in Oz but it is still turning into Tabloid gobshite (or is that just the Age online?) Anyway, Heidelberg Heights is still a scary shithole, the Sierra Leone of Melbourne, and re your previous post, I believe we call a 'deli' or 'shop' a 'Milkbar' in this part of the world, but it's only a true Milkbar if it has a happy Chinese family running it and a strange smell. I'll save my own flavoured milk issue for your now greatly anticipated "Anti-BigM Rant".

drb said...

I tried shucking oysters and IT IS bloody difficult!! I could not open any!!!

I agree that it is not some bogan thieves. Otherwise, they would have taken the oysters and wine plus other valuables to exchange for a quick fix.

Word verification: eyspat
appropriate word for my feeling - I spat the dummy!

River said...

Oysters? Ugh! They can have them!.
As for how many beers can you drink while breastfeeding? Guess it depends on how drunk/sleepy you want your baby to be.....

Got home from work today in time to stand by the letterbox and watch as squillions of cops on bikes and in cars came down Portrush road just ahead of several media vehicles just ahead of a tightly packed band of cyclists on a leg of the Tour Down Under. Lachlan was standing on the median strip with my camera to take photos as they went past. Silly bugger didn't depress the shutter button properly and got NO photos at all. (spent the next half hour sulking outside he did, he'd wanted to surprise me)

The Blakkat said...

The Age must be classy, otherwise they would have headlined the article with 'Thieves Break and Shuck' for sure.

Kath Lockett said...

Terence, folk either love or loathe oysters, and those in the latter group would probably prefer your Irish description of them.

Squib - me either. I'm an eater, not a shucker.

MATP - Heidelberg WEST was the 'scary shithole' (or 'Beirut' as us H Heights folk used to say). Heidelberg HEIGHTS was full of widows who moved there with their families four years before the crapular 1956 Olympic houses were built. More cardigans and cuppas than you could poke a stick at.

Dr B, even bogans need a good feed every now and then :) Dummy spitting again????!!!!

Aww River, poor L - my father did something similar when I graduated back in 1989 - forgot to put any film in the camera, so the 'moment' of standing with my grandfather (also an Adelaide Uni grad) was gone and I had to wear a borrowed Science grad gown and stand holding a rolled up calendar by our back door instead.

Or, how about 'Sneaky Little Shuckers' instead, Blakkat?

TOM said...

What' are "normal thieves" ?? Look forward to more News Clips!!

Baino said...

We learned how to shuck oysters straight from the rocks by the seaside. Certainly no gourmet taught me! Or maybe it's just what the recession is doing . . .leading the epicurean to drastic measures. Mmmmmm . . .wine . .I'm on the wagon *sob* Heidleburg Heights must be tucked away somewhere, Heidleburg proper was quite posh last time I was there in 2007, isn't that where Monsalvat is?

eleanor bloom said...

Good grief. Being a classy lass myself *ahem* I have no idea how to shuck oysters as I prefer my underlings to do it for me (and peel my grapes). Obviously just some hoi polloi ruffians aiming to be a bit classy -- or some recent diners who'd returned to get their money's worth after receiving a ridiculously large bill.

(I stayed on Little Collins when in Melbourne the other week and was accosted by some dame trying to convince me her car had run out of petrol and was in an alley nearby and... Yeah. Nice try, I said. I'd heard her trying it on someone else earlier in the day. She was quick to get out of there. Hmmm, maybe it was her... She looked like a little shucker.)