Sunday, June 08, 2008

Some facts about me

This meme is courtesy of Ariel, author of the excellent blog Jabberwocky. These always give me ideas for longer blogs, articles or other such piffery.

Apparently, there are rules to adhere to:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people and posts their name, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

What was I doing 10 years ago?

Married to Love Chunks for three years and found out I was pregnant. This was a real shock to us, as I'd been diagnosed with a non-cancerous brain tumour a couple of years earlier (thanks to weird vision and increasingly painful and recurring migraines). The tumour was located at the base of the brain, right behind the eyes, rapidly growing a prolactinoma that convinced my body that I was:
a) already pregnant;
b) needed to breastfeed; and
c) didn't need to have any periods.

Tumour got under control, but reproductive system too fried to work. No babies for us, so we decided that we were happy anyway and could have decent holidays instead. And we did - a fab time in Malaysia where I found out that it wasn't the trots that was making me feel so ill, it was a baby. Even my endocrinologist was stunned and I formed the basis of a discussion paper from the Royal Melbourne Hospital Endocrinology Department!

Living in Heidelberg Heights, trying my damnedest to stop from throwing up on the train, at the train station toilets, on the escalator, in a taxi, at Love Chunks, in church on Christmas Day, whenever I smelt laksa....

Five snacks I enjoy in a perfect, non weight-gaining world (also known as 'Kath Land'):
1. Lindt Lindor Balls (especially the black, 60% ones)
2. Haigh's dark chocolate frogs, almonds, sultanas, violet cremes, cappuccino bars, lemon myrtle centres, speckles, bilbies, shiraz truffles....
3. Cadbury 70% Old Gold
4. Whittakers dark chocolate orange
5. Gelati from Cibo, Norwood. Their baci, lemon cheesecake, orange-n-pinenut, coconut, lemon, orange zest, pistacchio, rich chocolate, white chocolate, strawberry, apple, mint are the best I've ever tasted. We'll often walk in there after karate class and endure the curious stares (three weirdos in white religious pyjamas) to get ourselves three medium coppas.

Five snacks I enjoy in the real world: (or really my favorite snacks 6-10)

6. Um ... all of the above when I'm being bad.
7. Oranges. I have one every morning and feel terrible when I don't.
8. Farmers Union Feel Good Iced Coffee
9. Wasabi peas mixed in a container with Salted Broad Beans
10. Raw carrots.

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. Let Love Chunks do the study he'd really like to do and buy the business he'd really like to buy if money had never been an issue for him
2. Pay off all the mortgages of my family and my best friends. When shelter (either rent or mortgage) is removed, it gives people a lot more spare cash to do things with.
3. Go on a world trip. Then select one country at a time and travel it really well.
4. Donate to all of my worthy causes
5. Work with dogs, even if it was just to help them out with admin work, because I don't think I'd have the strength to deal with the evil results of cruelty first hand.

Five jobs that I have had:

1. Cucumber polisher (see
2. Apricot cutter (see
3. Debt collector. Not fun, but funded my travels.
4. Public Servant (Dept Employment, Education and Training; Environment Protection Authority, WorkCover). Ministerials, reports, speech writing.
5. Assistant Bank Manager, ANZ. This suited me about as much as a mortar board and lab coat does Paris Hilton.
Now: a writer. Poor, but happy.

Three of my habits:
1. Worrying about things before they happen, thus wasting energy and sleep.
2. Picking at the skin around my fingernails until they bleed (I know I know, it's terrible and somehow I. Must. Make. Myself. Stop.)
3. Judging other people and then feeling guilty about it.

Five places I have lived:

1. Murray Bridge, South Australia. Yes, it was a highly imaginative name, wasn't it? We were by the Murray River and there was a ....... bridge. Here's me in my gorgeous costume in 1979 that I wore to celebrate the bridge's 100th birthday. Heady stuff. I won the prize which was the most un-fun thing ever - a massive box of toothpicks and a bottle of glue. Called something like 'Imaginopicks' or some such.

2. Aberdeen, Scotland. Dad was an exchange teacher for a year, and we swapped houses and jobs. The first six months were hell for me - starting highschool where I could barely understand their accents, let alone what Mods or Skinheads were and why they disinfected the asphalt every afternoon.... All our free time was spent travelling and I'm sure Dad wanted to throttle me when we were standing in York Minster and my 12-and-a-half year old self said, "Seen one cathedral, seen 'em all...."

3. Hackney, Adelaide. First place where I was required to (learn how to) cook, clean and budget after enduring two years of Lincoln College. Finished uni there and got my first job as a Graduate Trainee Bank Manager for the ANZ bank. Used to smell the Weetbix made by Sanitarium on the next block or the poo from the zoo when the wind changed. We three gals had our 21sts there as this photo will prove.

4. London - in 1991 and 1992 during my two year visa. Got jobs as a live-in nanny in Hampstead (only lasted three weeks), a live-in housekeeper in Finchley (6 months), bartender and kitchen hand at the Savoy Hotel (moved to a bedsit off Baker Street), kitchen hand at a mental hospital (2 months in Surrey), debt and home repossession officer for a large bank (rest of the time). Made some great friends, had many great holidays, enjoyed much great cider and rolled off the plane two stone heavier two years later.

5. Beulah Park - Adelaide. A share house with other uni students and my two brothers. This is where I met Love Chunks and getting ready for our first date (after circling each other for six weeks) was an interesting experience as I had to wait for him to get out of the bathroom. And he knew that his date was most certainly going to invite him in to her home afterwards!

Since finding Love Chunks, we've lived in:

Flemington, Melbourne - in a tiny 2 bedroom flat in a concrete 1960s block. Close to everything and allowed me to walk to Wormworld in North Melbourne to do more thrilling debt collecting. The highlight of the day was to look out the window and see who was 'shopping' at the brothel next door or the sex toy distribution factory across the road.

Fannie Bay, Darwin - in a townhouse partly paid for by Love Chunks' employer the Weather Bureau. Got eaten alive by mozzies in the outdoor spa and had some green tree frogs take residence in LC's gym equipment.

Wulagi, Darwin - Got ourselves a weather bureau house and bought an above ground pool. Spent every spare minute in the pool because even going to the letter box during the build-up and summer was the height of endurance.

Heidelberg Heights, Melbourne - No darling, not Heidelberg WEST, but HEIGHTS. An old fifties clinker brick and our first mortage of, *gasp* $105,000. Not close to anything decent to walk to unless seeing drug deals down at the Bogan Mall or buying Sara Lee seconds is considered high level entertainment. Wished we could afford Heidelberg proper or Ivanhoe but..... as compensation we had a lovely family next to us where, if I was sitting in our laundry toilet, I could hear the mother call out to her sons (Damien appropriately enough, and Dion) - "Come inside for dinner ya f**ken little arseholes."

Dad (of one of the sons) got well and truly shickered one night and wifey locked him out. He smashed a window, fell inside and kicked the living daylights out of his own furniture. We and several other neighbours called the police, who rocked up with a divvy van and loads of capsicum spray. Meanwhile Father-of-the-year had thrown up on himself and taken all of his clothes off and chucked up again. The police kicked the door in and threw around enough capsicum spray to deforest the Botanic gardens.

Dad was led out, completely starkers, handcuffed and thrown onto his front lawn in sub-zero, mid-winter, 3am Melbourne temperatures. Wifey called out, "Just wash 'im down with the fricken' hose!". His eyes were obviously killing him and he was coated in enough vomit and damp grass to resemble a homosapien Chiko roll and whined to the cops, "Lay off guys, you're embarrassin' me." Love Chunks and I witnessed the scene by kneeling on top of our kitchen sink, peering through the blinds with the lights off. Baby Sapphire slept through the entire performance. Wifey took him back two days later.

Murray Bridge, South Oz - for three months whilst we both worked full-time jobs in Adelaide and house hunted every weekend. We were grateful to my parents for letting us stay, but there's a photo of me at the time (that I prefer to keep hidden) that shows how truly exhausted I was. Quit EPA Melbourne on Friday; drove to Murray Bridge on Saturday and started work in Adelaide on Monday. I resembled Rumplestiltskin's secret half-sister.

Trinity Gardens, Adelaide - Since Christmas 2000. A 1924 bungalow, solid, full of character and pretty well perfect for us. We've found our home.

Groovy folk I want to get to know better: (A nice way of saying TAG and because I'm interested in their answers)

Tom -
Baino -
Davey -
Myninjacockle -
Ashleigh -
Deep Kick Girl -


Ditsy Chick said...

How very interesting. I lvoe the neighbors, "just hose him down." lol.

Baino said...

Fanks Kaf! I was lost for inspiration this weekend. I still don't understand how you can eat so much chocolate and stay so thin! Not fair. *has a cry*

Anonymous said...

Wow, when you respond to a "tag," you really get to work! Interesting stories. You've got my Battle of the Blogs on Sunday night in the Roxiticus Valley, New Jersey.

And ooh, look at me smiling out from your EntreCard today! You would not believe what goes on here at night when you are fast asleep. Don't worry, what happens with Roxy stays with Roxy....thanks for letting me "advertise" with you.

Ariel said...

Ah, nice ... wow, that's a brilliant 'ten years ago' answer. I love all the answers to this one so much that I might make up a meme myself all about 10 years ago. Or something.

Go Haighs!

And I think you could have had ample material for a great novel, living in Heidelberg Heights. That's if you didn't end up getting killed first ...

Bugz said...

That was a very informative I can relate to this one: "1. Worrying about things before they happen, thus wasting energy and sleep."
I do the exact same thing.
Hoping to get to know you better, I like your blog : )

myninjacockle said...

Thanks Kath, that was hard work though. Gets you reminiscing and wanting to rattle off a heap of yarns.

You could have educated the plebian Scots about romes and red socks or ripples and black socks. Thats what youth tribes were really about.
I wore desert boots mind you - and expect them to make their triumphant return to the catwalks any season now.

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Kath Lockett said...

Thanks Ditsy Chick - I'm sure that line has been used a few times where you're from!

Baino - nope, not thin. Not ever. I've always been the type of sturdy gal that gets asked by roadies to help lift the speaker stacks back into the van - never one of the cuties that sat on guys' shoulders so they could see during the actual concert.

Thanks Roxy - I'm probably (looks at watch, sees that it's 2:40am) on at your waking time thanks to a visit from Mr Insomnia.

Ariel - you should do the 'ten years ago' meme. Or even 20, 15, 5 or last year.

Spicy Bug - I like yours (her BLOG people, her BLOG) too.

Myninjacockle - yeh, Desert Boots all the way for me - even in Scotland where to say that they were 'mildly amused' by them is putting it mildly.

Harine - eh, yes, right

tomshideaway said...

Wow, that's quite a meme...I will have to set down and work on that one...

eleanor bloom said...

Fantastic meme Kath. And thanks for the guffaws at the homosapien Chiko roll incident!

I was like you as a kid re European cathedrals. They really did all look the same! And the art galleries... Boy, do I kick myself now. Europe is just rich with the old stuff - when we turned up to a place that was 150 years old I wondered why we were wasting our time! 'But it's not even old!'

ashleigh said...


Might have taken me a while but I've just posted mine.

I dont pass on tags... so the chain is broken!

Bwah, hah, hah!!!!