To get our minds off the unfairly early demise of the wonderful actor Heath Ledger, I thought I'd think about what's 'in' this coming year for fashion and what I'll be wearing. Well, what I would be wearing if such things as a budget and common sense weren't factors affecting my decision making skills.
I found a few choice pictures from John Paul Gaultier's latest couture collection that was recently unveiled in Paris.
I'm not exactly sure what he's trying to encourage us working gals to do here, but I think it's got something to do with 'Distract them away from my late arrival at the meeting and my inability to work the Powerpoint presentation effectively.'
Her hair makes her look like the love child of the Muppets' Beaker and Diana Ross and the earrings were definitely the handles that were nicked from my Nanna's sewing bag. The eye make up owes a debt to Boy George and Avril Lavigne. All in all, a subtle and professional look that will not only increase your chances of promotion (out of sight out of mind) at work, but also carry you through to evening (drag revues). Kudos to you, Gaultier!
Lord knows the dress/mosquito net on the left would go down a treat in the average office, but only if the summer air conditioning is not set on the 'freeze your nuts off' level, which, in my experience, is the standard format for most workplaces. Not sure if I could ride my bike up Magill Road in this floaty number though.
As for 'Fanta Femme' on the right, Gaultier should be applauded for his attention to detail in that she's even got the screw top cap on her head. It's also a nice touch to have a matching shopping trolley filled with what look like plastic bananas and a paving stone: pretty much all that runway models eat these days.
If, like me, you're constantly searching for ideas on how to properly groom your eyebrows and apply colour effectively then look no more. Gaultier's made it clear here that the last thing we need in our beauty regime is to appear like a Disney cartoon on speed. The blue winged eyebrows on the left could have belonged to a more edgy John Howard if he'd been brave enough to particiate in the Mardi Gras or, failing that, the father of the Thunderbirds.
Self-confessed fan that I am of the Big G, this travesty must be reported to the RSPCA - surely the murderers of Mr Snuffleuffagus need to be brought to justice and pay their dues to society?The sad thing is, unlike Mr Snuffy himself, we can actually see this creation. On the plus side, it would be ideal for Bad hair, face and body days.
Hmmm. Should I go for the cracked almond-shaped hairstyle, or the boobie bowl? Decisions, decisions.....
The hair might be easier when dealing with x-ray machines at airports but the bowl would be handy if given a handful of nuts without a bag or if one loses a hub cap on the way to the shops....
Many's the time I've wondered just when an internationally-renowned designer is going to acknowledge the adult scooter riders amongst us and create something specifically suited for the purpose. Nothing says 'Scooter Loser' quite like an over-bleached version of Obi Wan Kenobi's robes and a skinny black eighties tie.
And let's not forget the dress on the right. Just perfect for when you can't make it to the dentist. Why bother paying through the nose when you can look up your own nose by yourself?
Hmm. Crocs and trakkies don't look so bad now.