Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Not that there's anything wrong with that

We haven't heard much from Jerry Seinfeld since finishing his show and doing his bit to repopulate the earth, so it was a pleasant surprise to see him do the publicity rounds for his new movie.

His new flick presumably for children and not anything to do with remaining 'the master of his domain' and the outfit is rather forgiving for any middle-aged paunch he may have developed, thus negating the need to keep changing his jeans labels to '32 inch' (old 'Seinfeld' fans will understand)

Shitney's 'Road to Recovery' seems to be rather non-traditional one of never going home, forgetting she has two children and donning outfits consisting of her little sister's strawberry shortcake braces and nanna's sarong.

And while we accept that Britney is the master of clothing understatement, Christina Aguilera is the reigning queen when it comes to 'barely there' make up.

Nothing says 'Low Maintenance Female' like white, over-moussed hair, orange skin, transvestite eye shadow and plum puffer-fish lips.

Like meatloaf through a straw, so are the days of Kate and Pete's lives....

Personifying a couple of healthy, meat-eating, oxygenated and bright-eyed youngsters, they've even taken their dieting regime a step further by sharing one tiny cup of espresso between them.

Not only that, but Pete looks as though he's about to barf his share of the coffee back up, and I'll keep my fingers crossed that Kate can keep hers down - Pete appears to be about as fresh as the inside of a camel's mouth.

We all know that Semi and Butcher are happily hitched, but whilst she's maintained a fairly glamorous dress sense, he's been heading down the Nick Nolte Date Rape Police Picture path that makes me wonder just what the attraction is.

Here's hoping his odour doesn't match the look he's going for, or Semi's in for a night of dutch ovens, parmesan cheese breath and mouldy manure armpits.

This picture has done the rounds already but it shocks me to see 'our Cate' impersonating an albino stick insect on crack.

If those collarbones protrude any further, she'll have a plague of grasshoppers using them as a skate park, or be swatting away elderly ladies who keep pulling at her dress thinking its going to summon in Jeeves with a tray of tea and scones.

EAT Cate, EAT - whatever role you're starving for, make sure the next one is about the life story of the Two Fat Ladies - "Full Fat, Full Throttle, Full Aneurysm"

Lyndsey LieDown is the only person on earth who can make an innocuous black and white striped t-shirt into a piece of clothing sluttier than a sequinned nipple sticker.

Why she even bothers to cover up her map of Tassie escapes me, unless there's nothing but a 'Will Work for White Powder' tattoo etched where Hobart would normally be located.

And if one Lyndsay Ho-down wasn't enough, let me present you with Rehab Rejection Lyndsey! My guess is she's applied her lipstick with her left hand seeing as the right one was busy holding the 1 litre bottle of vodka. The task was made even more difficult by lying on the bar with her head upside down nearly touching the floor and Trevor the keg guy putting on her eye shadow using the blue billard stick cubes.

Nice one, Lynds - Christina Aguilera is apparently very envious.

Thanks to E!Online, The Superficial and Go Fug Yourself for the above happy snaps

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