Monday, January 08, 2007

Love Chunks has a couple of big ones!

Check out this recent picture taken of my better half's Old Fellas. They are, he tells me proudly as he hitches up his belt in a macho stance, about as healthy as anyone's bad boys could be. His specialist too, was so impressed that he printed out the scans and emailed them to LC at home and yes, even in this medium his 'ol Cuddle Nuts are rather pretty, aren't they?

In fact, it was these two Orbs of Utopia that attracted me in the first place - who was I to turn away from two such beautiful - and indeed pleasurable - Ecstasy Berries? Despite being a rather shy and moral gal (thirteen years ago, at least), I couldn't get my eyes, hands, lips off them and he was left in no doubt how I felt about him.

We met on my very first day at uni during Orientation week (= get drunk, jump into the Torrens, feel sick, stagger back to college and miss the introductory lectures Week). His room at the college was directly across the passage from mine, and he happened to be heading to a lecture at the same time. I was immediately struck at how nice he was - politely making conversation with a 'fresher' who was, in her own mind, immensely relieved that she now wouldn't get lost on the 500 metre journey from North Adelaide, to, er, Adelaide. I also noticed his two Blue Boys: it was well known that he had a girlfriend staying at another college, and I too was in a very serious relationship with a guy from my highschool who was also staying at the college. Notwithstanding my faithfulness, it was hard to stop thinking jealousy of how much his main squeeze would be enjoying having priveleged access to his Pretty Pebbles....

Seven years later, we met again. This time he was in the role of friend of my brother and meteorologist, and I was plump and penniless after spending two years in London. As a coincidence, we had both enrolled in the Graduate Diploma of Education (secondary). For me, it was a year's grace to think about what I really wanted to be when I grew up; for him it was a year's unpaid leave granted by the weather bureau to try his hand at teaching mathematics to a class of unruly fourteen year olds (they no doubt thought that if he could survive that, he'd do extremely well doing daily chart presentations to the crinkly old cardigans at the bureau).

He readily moved into our scruffy student household of five in Beulah Park and fully participated in the highs and lows of sharing a loungeroom, the fornightly rent frighteners, crappy furniture, dodgy plumbing and coughing up $25 into the kitty (a yellow 1960s tupperware container on top of the fridge) for meals featuring 'three star mince', seafood extender, Black And Gold Brand Baked Beans and fresh octopus with beaks and eyes left in.

They weren't the only challenges for him in the month ahead. During his cycle down Magill road to uni each morning, a P-plater girlie mowed him down in her cortina as she myopically did a left turn, mangling her door and Love Chunk's shoulders in the process. He later peeled off his top to show us housemates his rather gothic black and purple bruising but I secretly only had eyes for his marvellous Male Moons.

As we all know, when you share a house with people, it is impossible to be on your best behaviour all of the time. In spite of this major rule of life, Love Chunks just got better and better in my opinion. It is difficult to pinpoint exactly when LC was The One, but certainly the time I came home early on Saturday night to find him scrubbing out the shower recess and giving me a tantalising glimpse of his Passion Peas found my stomach with a pounding heartbeat of its own and a desire to step right in with the Jif and give him a hand...

My feelings were reciprocated two days later when, after shyly drinking five cups of tea together, he asked me out. Yes, yes, I could have asked him out instead, but it was nice to let the anticipation draw itself out further and for me to imagine the complete heaven of having an entire evening with just him and his Wanton Walnuts all to myself.

Today, after nearly fourteen years of together-hood, I still derive a great deal of enjoyment, pleasure and delight in perving at his Round Raisins... Hell, they've even been mentioned in the wedding anniversary and birthday cards he's received from me.

Even better, Sapphire has inherited them too: now I get to gaze into two pairs of the most beautiful, limpid and sparkling blue eyes ever seen for the rest of my fortunate life.


Anonymous said...

hilarious!! But I do hope you will keep your hands off the Blue Boys, not very comfy I would imagine for LC!

fifi-belle said...

Eyes? This blog was about eyes?