Regular readers will already know this, but habitual lurkers (you know who you are; my counter's been collecting stats about you) or newbies looking for 'my left boob' (still the most-searched for item on this site) may not yet know that my sense of humour really is rather juvenile.
Whilst my French is limited to hello, goodbye, thank you and an ever-increasing range of charades that I'm prepared to act out in front of perplexed strangers, it is still the word 'douche' that never fails to amuse.
It was 'Jovial Douche' shower gel last year that saw me giving it to all of our house guests and, of late, it's been the Bonnet de Douches that's been snaffled from every hotel we've stayed in.
Shower caps, yes; but Douche Bonnets....?! How can I not snigger at that and then, pondering my recent whinge about feeling grumpy and stumped, not take up PlasMan's idea to "Tell me - and the world - what YOU think is rubbish - and why."
Sapphire regularly accuses me of being overly judgmental of teenagers and of laughing too loudly at drunk uncles falling over in 'You've Been Framed' wedding clips, so it seems right to have myself feature as the first Douche Bonnet in the hopes that on a semi-regular basis my knickers will get twisted up enough to write about other people/trends/issues/behaviours that also require a public session under the scornful shower cap.
As such, I'm telling the world that I'm rubbish (or slightly, as even my bruised ego is aware that some good points are to be found) at being ........ not jealous.
This is a tough one to admit to, but jealousy is only ever evident to me after I've had a rant, been a bit bitchy, made a snarky comment (usually to Love Chunks or Sapphire) and then, seeing their slightly disapproving reaction(s), realise that it's all down to being more than just a tad envious.
Blogging is the issue that highlights my worthiness to be the first to don the Douche Bonnet. A bugbear of mine concerns comments. I'll admit that my knowledge of blog etiquette is minimal, but if someone is generous enough to take the time to read and then add a comment to my blog, I'll click on their link to see if they also have a blog and comment on one of their recent articles as an acknowledgement. Then, if their blog is one that appeals to me, I'll add them to my regular reading list and keep on visiting and commenting. After all, what blogger/writer, doesn't enjoy feedback? Comments are, in my minuscule, jealous mind, the way of spreading the love back and forth and is the reason why I feel mightily pissed off when my comments are either never returned or even responded to, especially if the blogger is directly answering other commenters. My inner Douche Bonnet begins to inflate with annoyance. Bloggers want comments, so surely they should do the same for others...?
So, when a blogger (and friend) recently announced via another form of media that they've revamped their long-forgotten blog and now want everyone to 'like' them and recommend their site to all their friends so that they can attach some advertising and make some money, my Douche Bonnet fogged up even further with an unattractive combination of 'who the hell do they think they are' and 'what do you think I've been trying to do for seven years' with a side order of 'so you think you can achieve what three billion of us already out there can't?'
The bonnet blew up bigger still when my elephant memory reminded me that the revamped blogger hadn't left a comment on mine in years....!
"You read far too much into things," says Love Chunks, not looking up from his iPad.
"It's hardly a life or death situation, is it, Mum," snorts Sapphire, packing her school things.
They're both right. I deserve to be publicly exposed as the inaugural designated Douche Bonnet and learn to get over it and not blame my irrational envy on being in week three of a six week self-imposed no-sugar detox un-fun abstinence experience. Either that or find out the hard way how difficult it is to remove both my head - and the now-desecrated Douche Bonnet - from out of my arse.
35 comments:
LC and Sapphire are both right. It isn't a big deal nor life threatening.
BUT, yes, it's a big BUT, I agree with you that it is reasonable to feel a little jealousy over other commenters being replied to when your comment is ignored. I feel the same way and after a few weeks of that I find myself no longer visiting that blog or only rarely.
Is there room under that douche bonnet for two?? Even though I'm an offender (I blame being on the road with dodgy internet access most times), I get peeved too when people expect likes/comments/page views/promotion without giving it in return.
I suspect LC & S are WRONG on this one ... or is that just the Douche Bonnet talking?!?!?!
A self-imposed no sugar detox unfun abstinence experience? Remove that bonnet at once, young lady - yer not lettin' enuff air near yer brain.
Go sniff some Peck instead.
Perhaps I should claim one of those stylish bonnets myself. Your attitude struck me as entirely reasonable. Human even (though that isn't always reasonable I realise). Douche bonnets of the world unite?
On an unrelated note. I was reading this blog http://murrbrewster.blogspot.com.au, and thought that you would enjoy it, and dont think I have seen you there.
Glad to hear it, River, even if it's a big 'but' !
Red Nomad Oz, I suspect that the Douche Bonnet only fits one fool at a time, but there'll be plenty more opportunities! :)
FruitCake, you could be right. Factor in headaches, pimples and an increase in irritability and I do wonder if I'll feel better at the end of it.
E-Child, I'll pop right on over - love finding new blogs.
Eek, a sugar de-tox, that's always fun. No chocolate then? Not even the really high, mouth puckering high % stuff? What about more natural stuff, like dates, honey etc?
Oh the joys of our modern diet, eh?
Dried fruit, fruit juice and fruit itself, CatJB but not honey. Yet. All being attempted to see if my size reduces and I feel better...
oh come on, you know douche means 'wash'. I'm sure you know more francais than you admit. I did it at school and on SBS tv.
Wearing my own bonnet of the shower I shall add that LC and Saph are not quite right this time, and you dear WashHat are spot on.
I cannot understand why a blogger would completely ignore me when I have posted 100 responses on their blog. Sometimes I am their only commentor (I am more of a commenter than a poster.), and still get no response. Which just makes me keep on commenting, post after post they get '1 comment' and we both should quit.
There are, of course, some great posters, even en Genevre, and they compensate for all the irritation. X X
Ms O'Dyne, I do know what douche is, but therein lies my complete immaturity and base sense of humour as it still cracks me up!
Oh goodness there's no way that I could successfully do a sugar detox :)
No sugar = no wine. No wonder you are grumpy. Don't tell me you went on the wagon after the meal out with misbehaving dogs?
I agree with you. There is an etiquette to follow and it comes naturally to polite people. If a strange makes a comment on my blog, I check theirs to see if I like the look of it and if I do, I add it to my reader so that I see their next post or two and maybe make a comment. If they comment back on mine, things are then going nicely but I wait quite a while before I add them to my VIP list. I like stayers and don't want to waste time with people who just want their stats to go up, or think they should have a token gay on board. I don't mind being the token gay, but it still has to be reciprocal.
Now I am intrigued. Why the left one? Is there something extra special about it?
I have more to say about blog comments, but I have taken up enough space for the moment.
Andrew, if you read this:
http://blurbfromtheburbs.blogspot.ch/2010/09/snappy-september-day-twenty-my-left.html
.... your question will be answered. But do prepare yourself as it is rather confronting!
OpEx, I'm not sure that I can successfully do a no-sugar detox either as I've been eating fresh and dried fruit like a crazy person and some parts of my body aren't too pleased about it.....
Thanks for stopping by - have a lovely weekend!
You too, Lola - come back anytime. I'll try to make my next portrait a little less 'confronting' !
I don't like the "Love me and I'll love you" blogs. They don't often write much of quality anyway. I used to try to comment everywhere I went, but now I just say something if I've got something to say...
Anji, I know what you mean about the 'love me and I'll love you' blogs, but the ones who never ever bother to return a visit or acknowledge a comment seem just rude to me.
Bonjour Kath,
You're not rubbish! But I might now write a post called "The Plastic Mancunian Is Rubbish".
I love self-deprecation.
:-)
Cheers
PM
...I could always lend you the Douche Bonnet if you want, PlasMan!
Ah dear - you're right, I get what you're feeling, and like you, know that you should be thinking of other things. I, like you, try to leave decent comments, don't expect likes or comments, but also love receiving them. I also sometimes have a problem in that there are times when I don't have anything to say, or when the content goes against everything I believe. Love the hat :) xx
Of course if some people put up comment boxes that other people can't use, they don't get comments. I'm looking Andrew's way.
I think it's a bit of a cheek to ask to be liked to make money. You lot can love me for free.
A no sugar de-tox is a crime against nature and chocolate.
Pandora, that's fair enough too... the real annoyance is when the other blogger NEVER EVER leaves a comment.
JahTeh you can love me for free too. I'm cheap that way. Sugar detox is against nature, methinks. But so are my recent photographs...
I thought I had been reading your blog for a decade, but no, it just seems like it. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Jah Teh, no once else has a problem. It is not even a pop up box that may cause issues.
I agree - demanding recognition means automatically that its not deserved. Sod 'em.
HOWEVER, there are some comment annoyances - a pet peeve of mine is being forced to log in. When I have a comment, and am forced to create a new account and log in I usually give up at that point. I have so many web site accounts and passwords, and have no idea where all that login stuff goes, that I( really just don't want to proliferate my usernames and (common) passwords either.
(Points finger here) - at one stage you allowed comments by just user name only - now I have to log in to Mr Google, which I do but don't like to.
My Google loves people who log in, because it allows them to profile you and deliver better targeted advertising. Likewise all those users of "free" gmail - you don't really think its free? Nothing is free, there is a cost - which is Mr Google reading and indexing all your email and profiling you. Well, Mr Google can sod off too.
So you see, some of us stop dropping comments because of profiling concerns. Sound paranoid.... but I also read "Schneier on Security" about IT system security, comes out monthly, and the kind of information being gathered worries me.
No worries, Andrew. I choose to take your 'it seems like a decade' as a compliment!
Ashleigh, I did have a log on thingy because spam had infiltrated the blog - so much so that any real comments were outnumbered by 200 to one, and Google's care factor was less than zero.
Hand me a douche bonnet please, because I am the same, and I agree with you on commenting etiquette. It's just manners (and fun anyway) to reply to comments on your blog, especially these days as people comment much less in general than they used to, so those comments are even more treasured!
I get jealous when I read blogs that I don't think are that great but which have heaps of comments every post.
Then again I'm bad at self promotion and networking, so I can't expect much!
It is sometimes hard to keep up with commenting especially if the post is not that interesting. I always find your posts humorous and interesting so its not hard to comment. Just hard to find time sometimes. It is a bit hurtful when bloggers don't return comments. I've had a few who used to comment regularly but now have dropped me. I guess my blog doesn't interest them anymore and I have to hack that or find a douche bonnet. It always sounds like something you do to your fanny when you have thrush.
hee hee my robot words are "use pargarmo"
Glad to hear it, JackieK - I read yours and think that someone like Mia (surname escapes me) should ask you to write some articles for her site, or submit some to The Age?
dianeb, I've had drop outs too, but try to tell myself that my fascination factor hasn't waned; just that they've been lured over to The Dark Side (twitter and instagram).
Oh Kath, you make me laugh so much!! I have to admit, I haven't been checking out any blogs lately!! I've only just started to post on mine, but I suddenly thought I wonder what Kath has been up to??? Glad I did you never fail to make me laugh xxxx
oooh I want a douche bonnet! Only coz it's well cool ;)
I try to comment on everyone's blogs, but I have such a bad memory, it's embarrassing. I don't get many comments anyway, so it's not that difficult.
Aw thanks, yummymummy, you've made my Douche Bonnet-y day!
Fenstar, you've planted a seed of an idea in my tiny mind - a *collection* of Douche bonnets from every hotel I can swipe them from...!
It's a blogging etiquette issue - I'm easily discouraged. There were blogs I visited where my comments never elicited a reaction from the blogger. It seemed to be "Just me and my girly friends thanks." I stopped dropping in there. So I sympathize. It's not you who should be wearing the douche bonnet, Kath - it's them!
Thanks, Lad. I wonder if someone should put out an Official Guide To Blog Etiquette?
Like you, Kath, I always visit people who comment on my blog to leave a comment on theirs. But I never comment on religious, political or commercial bloggers.Your blog is always interesting, entertaining and funny, so it is not hard to comment on yours.
For some reason, not many people visit my blog, so I get few comments, but that's ok. I do it for the fun and to keep my tiny brain ticking over.
Thanks, Wilbo43. Bear in mind that your blog is relatively new, so readers and comments WILL increase. Trust me. :)
Well, I really quite enjoyed this. It started with a Google search for a "No Molestar" sign. Which you were found holding. And then, on to find many other lovely observations about word misunderstandings. Brilliant!
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