Sunday, May 16, 2010


If you're as unstimulated as myself, you'll find yourself flipping through the weekly TV guide the day it comes with the Sunday paper just to see if there's anything worth keeping your eyes out for on the box in the upcoming week.

Even if you're not as sadly sedate as all that, I'm sure you'll still not fail to notice just how many acronyms there are for TV shows. Hey, even TV itself is an acronym come to think of it.

MASH was one of the first ones to start it – wisely deciding that Mobile Army Surgical Hospital might not have drawn the 1970s telly viewer in such large numbers. Later on, ER producers also believed that 'Emergency Room' sounded more like a door sign than an engrossing drama.

If I flip through the guide whilst typing this, I notice that we have 'Law and Order: SVU'. No, that's not a Sports Vehicle Utility, but a 'Special Victims Unit'. In other words, it's one of those cop shows where the murder always involves a dead girl who lives a secret life; normally involving prostitution, pole dancing or a sleazy strip club. And yes, the detectives are always compelled to visit at least one of these sordid places in order to solve the crime.

To support my blather, here is the actual description for the next episode that screens on Thursday night: ‘Suspicions that the girlfriend of a lesbian artist could be responsible for her sexual assault and murder are overshadowed by an attack on an activist, who is part of a gay advocacy group following the investigation.’ Nice; especially when Mr and Mrs Channel Ten Breathy-Porno Voice-over couple promote the show during every single ad-break during the G-rated MasterChef Australia program.

NCIS is another one, presumably standing for 'Non-imaginative Crime Investigation Series', yet they’ve also created a second stream located in Los Angeles. *sigh*, I mean ‘LA’.

The king of acronyms that breed remains the CSI franchise. We have the original CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) set in Las Vegas, and CSI: Miami and now CSI: New York. I'll start watching the day they release CSI: Wagga Wagga.

Current affairs, light-hearted game shows and aliens get in on the act as well: Q&A, QI, and V.

You've also got AFL footy, the NRL Show, Late night NBC news. At the insomniac's hour of 3:00am we have JLF, but I have no idea what it stands for - Juicy Lesbian Fairies perhaps, or Judge's Liver Failure. This is then followed by USA high, Airline USA, Wife Swap USA and various UKs.

OneChannel has embraced the capital with UFC Unleashed, MVP, NBA playoffs, TNA Xplosion, MLB, ANDRA pro-series drag racing, NASCAR nationwide, ATP World Tour Uncovered, ITU World Champions, ANZ netball, SK Telecom Open and MotoGP.

We even had the movie, DOA playing on Saturday night!

To digress a bit, let's now look at numbers, shall we? They too, are now considered important enough to be a show's name. We have - 20/20, Hi-5, 7PM Project, the 7:30 Report, Zontas 100%, 24, Autism Speaks 400.... Why the last one is on the sports channel ‘One’ is a mystery I’m not prepared to sit down and watch in order to solve.

I asked Love Chunks once (and only the once) what acronym he'd choose to describe himself and he immediately shot back with: "BBD. Bloody Big Donger."

Hmmm well he may be a physicist and mathetician all that, but there's still a fair share of Benny Hill lurking within.

As for me, it would definitely be WACA - Worrywart And Chocolate Addict.


River said...

L always called himself a CD. (Clever Dick.)

Elisabeth said...

After reading this wonderful post, I now know why - despite huge protests from our daughters - we have not had a television in this house for the past thirteen years.

Radge said...

Permission to steal the word 'donger'?


Not a lover of the acronyms, maybe CSI is to blame for the likes of WTF? and LOL. If one more person says LOL on my FBSUs (Facebook Status Updates) I'm going to UTB.

I'll leave that one to you to figure out.

Plastic Mancunian said...

G'Day Kath,

I think I'd be a WIG: Wierd Infantile Geek.




P.S. MacGuyver - I used to have a mullet like that.

River said...

NCIS is Naval Criminal Investigative Services.

Or possibly North Carolina Itinerant Scumbags.

nuttynoton said...

you think the TV is bad i work in the NHS, and thaqt is just a start there are so many 3 letter acronyms that even those that work in it lose the plot never mind joe public,

great post I am otsdiy (off to do some do it yourself) gardening!

Baino said...

Ha1 I work in Government it's all acronyms. Took me 10 months to work half of them out. Yeh TV's pretty crap at the moment. Thank God for Master Chef!

deepkickgirl said...

I would have thought LC would be more of a BBB (Bloody Big Brain) but it's nice to know even he has his shallow moments... makes one feel a little less pathetic and low brow somehow.

Since entering the world of recruitment advertising I too have been drowning in acronyms. We have a lot of yelled-across-the-house conversations along the lines of:

Me: "What's CCNA stand for?"

BJ: "No idea."

LJP said...

CSI Wagga Wagga is the one I'd be looking out for too. Hmm... guy with beard gets caught in bonnet of ute trying to retrieve a four and twenty pie...
Mystery solved.

Louise Bowers said...

And the Friday night forensic was always some Scottish woman telling us that there had been a terrible "mudda". Whatever that is.

Cinema Minima said...

You forgot the awful 'Let's Hassle Foreigners and Search their Bags Because they Didn't Notice the Sign That Says They Can Opt Out of being filmed if they can obtain the right Form and They may be Unaware of their Rights in Australia Squad".

I guess "LHFASTBBTDNTSTSTCOOOBFITCOTRFATMYLUOTRIA Squad" made the producers nervous, so they called it "Border Protection Asswipe Squad" instead.

But I did enjoy the trampoline Basketball on One... for about 27 seconds.

Nicole said...

It's quite funny how many there are! I too will leave CSI until the Wagga Wagga chapter!

Vanessawith3 said...

On another note, I was reading some of your original posts the other day and realised we were both living in Darwin in 1995. We were only there with husband's work for a long, humid year!

Wally The Walrus said...

Lorna - that was Taggart (which had no Taggarts in it), and don't knock it. That's how I learned ma Scowtish accent.

Was Rabbie really on tha tearke?