Sunday, March 28, 2010

Bum-cracks, Bats and Bloggers

I was lucky enough to be invited as a Melbourne Blogger to the Zoo's 'Earth Hour: Unplugged on the Rug' concert. We told to arrive an hour earlier than the public to enjoy a tour of the zoo, sign in for our freebie hamper and sit in our special roped-off-from-the-great-unwashed section before our dinner was served:

Naturally I insisted that my entourage were also included....

.... and I was mighty glad of their company as I shyly checked out the other bloggers present. There was around 40 of us - a Bugger of Bloggers? A Bunch of bloggers? A Blerk of Bloggers? and most looked as though they were serious foodies or stylish young fashionistas. There were perma-tanned, model-slash-PR types, street culture magazine writers, new-wave hand-made craft artists, jewellery designers, sophisticated travel writers, food stylists and gorgeously talented home chefs.

And me, the daggiest of the bunch. As usual.

This reality was soon forgotten. Our tummies started to rumble as we languidly explored the zoo and saw what our animal friends were getting for din-dins.

The meerkats were let back into their enclosure. When their look-out gave the 'Coast is Clear' signal, they all started digging industriously for the hard-boiled eggs the keepers had buried in the sand.

The giraffes were eating sticks hung up the top of palm trees. Yes, sticks, not leaves, and they seemed very content about it, even wandering over to get a closer look at us when they were finished.

The lions, on the other hand, hadn't yet finished their (very) late afternoon nap.

'Hey Barry...? Bazza! Are you awake yet?'

'Stop tickling, Nigel, you're killin' me!'

'I swear, Nige, if you don't stop I'm gunna piss me --- oh, bugger.'

'Well looky here. Could it be.....

...... my evening meal, hanging from a tree?'

On our way back to the flagged-off area I spotted Tim Rogers having a smoke by the wheelie bin. This is possibly my first papparazzi shot ever.

Sadly, it went to my head, and as the general human populace were scoffing beers, BBQ shapes and brie, the inevitable bum-crack appeared.

Sapphire's mouth formed her usual cats'-bum of disapproval before she noted, "Hmm yes with a view like that ahead of us, we're not really VIPs, we're SIPS: slightly important perverts."

Wagons band started as the evening light grew dim and bats began to fly overhead, but Henry's red wine and gravel-marinated vocals didn't impress everyone.

The rain started to drizzle down, putting even the cordoned-off SIPs in danger of dampness:

.....whilst the sheltered and dry Henry Wagons looked for all the world like the new Aussie cast member of MythBusters but with a voice that surely came out of the Louisiana struggle-towns of the 1930s.

His groupies braved the rain and a fair bit of banter to stake their claim right at the front of the stage, er, rotunda. We could hear the roar of the lions and the buzz of the hospital helicopters in the quiet bits and Henry proved that he could also score a spot in the Comedy Festival with his semi-autobiographical song about his childhood suburb, Waverley.

Tim Rogers was next, explaining that he turned the front of his hat up so that he could kiss people without jabbing their eyes out.

His groupies consisted of slightly swaying mums wearing babies on their fronts, all misty-eyed about their mid-90s carefree 'You Am I' live gigging days. A brave couple, clearly emboldened by the 'Earth Hour' darkness and the wine, stood up to dance to the jangling, country-inspired music. Both made Elaine from Seinfeld - and myself, when sober or drunk - look like Bolshoi ballet contenders.

Still, you can take all of these observations with a fistful of salt considering that they were made by me, a Potato in Poncho.


Wally The Walrus said...

I rather like the idea for the collective noun for bloggers being "A Blerk".

I'm convinced that these collective noun things are just made up be a few people somewhere having a bit of a laugh (probably over the lunch table to relieve their boredom). So why not make up a few of your own.

Then edit an entry on Wikipedia for it and reference your blog where you can proudly be cited for "first common usage".

Cat J B said...

Aww, that looks like it was a sort-of fun day!And your lil girl looks just like you, with just enough of LC to not be all you. Love the potato look :)

Jodie said...

I wish I had the guts to come over and say hi....those skinny groovy kids freaked me out a bit.

Then I would have met someone else who laughs at bum cracks !!!

drb said...

No sightings of the baby elephant Mali? Didn't notice it rained....

drb said...

No sightings of the baby elephant Mali?

Lidian said...

Definitely, it must be a blerk of bloggers! I must try and remember that.

Another Outspoken Female said...

Nice to meet you Kath :) Good to have found each other off and on the net.

Pandora Behr said...

Gotta love the lions - looks like a great day out. What about a Blaspheme of Bloggers? By the way, what is he collective noun for bogans - is a Bumcrackful of Bogans? A Broadmeadows full of Bogans? Something to ponder.

Kath Lockett said...

Wally I do like the idea of setting up a Wiki entry (rushes off to add it to her 'things to do in the school holidays with a ten year old' list)

Cat, it was sort of a fun day but a bit disorganised. One blogger noted that we got a family-sized block of KitKat in our hampers yet Nestle use palm oil and are the current hot target in the latest Greenpeace campaign and the zoo is full of "Don't Palm Us Off" posters. Unintended mistake by the PR company methinks.

Jodie - I can understand why you didn't. I was vaguely aware that I was the only person over the age of nine who actually wore her yellow poncho.....

No baby Mali, DrB, and the kids there were pretty disappointe. The organisers said she was already sleeping. We just sort of idly wandered over to see the lions who seemed to like wrestling with each other rather homo-erotically....

Lidian, why don't you start using 'blerk' over in the northern hemisphere and see if we can get it to catch on?

Nice to meet you too, AOF - and well done for spotting the palm oil/nestle choccy gaff!

Pandora, the bogan grouping is an important one to get right, esp at Grand Prix time or Clipsal 500 time in SA:
A Mullet of Bogans?
A Divvy of bogans?
A Bludge of bogans?

Elisabeth said...

Great to meet a fellow Melbournian, Kath. Needless to say, I'm new to your blog via JahTeh of CopperWitch.

What a lovely day you had. And I too love the expression a 'blerk' of bloggers. I shall mention it to some of my overseas fellow bloggers soon enough. I think it might be your road to blog fame.

Benjamin Solah said...

How'd you score that gig?

Kath Lockett said...

(waving and smiling) - Hi Elisabeth, and welcome!

Benjamin, they emailed me. I think the company was looking for local bloggers who are perhaps a bit less political than your good self? (and I mean that with the greatest respect, considering your passionate propensity to protest every decent issue affecting society). As such, the bloggers there tended to be foodies, art-and-craft leaders (ie Pip from Meet Me At Mikes) or PR types....

Rowe said...

Aw Kath, Saphh is so gorge, bless her - she looks so loved and happy. Very fitting your entourage accompany you to any blogger fest, they are muchly part of your identity, if i may say so - without them it would be like the Brady Bunch showing up without Alice. But wait, where's Milly? Surely if other animals were present Milly should have passed all entry requirements, though, she may have been tempted to get too friendly over by the bum cracks on display.

River said...

A potato in a poncho? You do yourself a disservice Kath.
I've never thought about the reasons for turning up the brim of a hat before. To kiss without poking the other person's eyes out is a great idea.
Did you have fun? Did you meet up with any bloggers?

Baino said...

Looks like fun. How do you get invited to these things . . I've been blogging for three years and not a single freebie! And on top of that only a handful of Aussie commenters. I'd be better known at the Irish Blog Awards than an Aussie event!

Must be Choccoblog yeah? We have this sort of thing at Taronga in the summer too but I've never been $60 bucks a ticket so . . next year maybe. Glad you had fun! (nice poncho!)

Robyn said...

Nice poncho :)

I have fun with you at this event.
Thanks for sharing and I'm still smiling at the bum crack.

best wishes from another aussie blogger

Anonymous said...


R.H. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Another Outspoken Female said...

...though the PR peeps made a slight error. While trying to avoid political bloggers they didn't notice how some of us use our more popular food blog as a cover for the political one(s)!

The selection process seemed a tad random. Though to be fair, a number of bloggers didn't open their invite due to the name of the company - thinking it was spam.

The owner of the PR company has now written to every attendee to apologise for their "innocent mistake". It took me a while to find my email, as my mail reader took it for mass produced garbage and parked it straight into the spam folder. LOL.

The "innocent" excuse doesn't explain however, how the company could have missed a headline in The Age just a few days before the event proclaiming the biggest PR social media blunder ever re: the Greenpeace video and N*stle's poor attempt in damage control on Facebook. Still think this thing doesn't quite add up.

...but I'm guessing I'll not be invited back to any of their social media/blogger experiments in future.

R.H. said...

The comment above this is a
puzzle. Mine was worse.

Take no notice (as my father would say).