Monday, July 28, 2008

Amusing eavesdropping

In a slight thematic continuation of the previous entry, I've overheard some choice snippets this morning as I was out and about in Norwood:

"Well only one of us here has had a vasectomy" - adult female to male in the Koster park playground whilst supervising two toddlers on the slippery dip

"I've picked you a banana and a pear from the gum tree!" - four year old to her nanny
"Is there any cappuccinos there too by any chance?" - nanny to four year old

"Her nose is stuck in your shopping bag, Nona" - grandchild to his grandmother after Milly ran out to greet them at our gate when I was looking through the letter box

"I ate three of these yesterday and want to eat three more today," - girl taking my loose change at Duffy's bakery, eyeing the mini caramel tartlets sitting between us on the counter (I bought a Farmers Union Feel Good iced coffee instead)

"Yeah but how low down is the love bite, Thommo?" - young builder bloke to another, on their way to the public toilets at the park

"I don't think she can claim for an entire block or box of chocolates - surely she only needs to taste a few squares?" - Ashleigh the senior accountant to Amy, my accountant, from behind the divider screen***

*** He later agreed that I could claim the cost of a full block or box of chocolates after I told him the process involved in writing a review for after the process was explained in more detail:

1) buy the chocolate
2) photograph it in it's entirety - ie still wrapped
3) unwrap it and photograph it from a variety of angles, ala food styling or edible porn
4) slice said chocolate and take more pictures to reveal the filling inside.
5) repeat step four with more chocolate if the attempt is crumbly, unattractive, sticky or the photo is blurred (as with all good porn)
6) taste the product
7) write down tasting notes, opinions on the ingredients, presentation, sheen, cocoa content, quality, marketing materials, packaging, information about the manufacturer and mouth feel
8) complete and edit final review article and send to website owner.

His summary: "You have a wonderful job!"


Anonymous said...

Yes, but do you get paid for your choc review?

in curiosity

River said...

I like #7, write down tasting notes. My notes would be
#1 yummy
#2 not so nice
#3 yuk
#4 don't buy this

For me it's all about the taste. Cocoa content etc. don't come into consideration at all.

Kath Lockett said...

Yep, anonymous, I do. Not enough to keep me in the lifestyle to which I'd *like* to become accustomed, but enough to keep feeding my chocolate addiction and to blather about it on Radio 5AA/Amanda Blair's show occasionally.

Fair enough, River. Like art, wine and coffee, if it's what you like, it's good. I just ponce things up a bit and eat the entire range of choco-delights from the humble wagon wheel to Vahlrona.

Helen said...

I think we should campaign for a genetically engineered cappucino tree...

gigglewick said...

so the bollocks comment was related to

Kath Lockett said...

Yes, Helen, a cappuccino tree! Planted right next to the dark chocolate truffle bush and the cheesecake groundcover...

Gigglewick - er, no. Chocolate is one radio station, the 'bollocks' comment is another. Long story. No money, free airtime, hopes to make something out of nothing someday. Still waiting for a shepherd's crook to come out at any second and whip me right out of the studio, telling me the game's well and truly up.

Any more info than that and I'd have to kill you.

franzy said...

Worst phrases ever?
"Mouth feel"
Makes me feel disgusting all over.

Baino said...

Classic as always and I can't believe you get a tax deduction for eating chocolate . . know anyone who'd pay me to photograph and drink Chardonnay . . I'm not fussy, I'd go a nice little Semillon at a push?

ashleigh said...

Shepherds crook ala all those road-running and bugs bunny cartoons from when were were all kids...

Duck Theathon

Wabbit Theathon

Duck Theathon

Wabbit Theathon

Wabbit Theathon

Oh oh!

Helen said...

I don't know, cheescake groundcover could be a little bit nasty to harvest... 10 points for creativity there!

(and now 'tea garden' has a whole new meaning!)