Thursday, December 13, 2007

Making Love Chunks Livid

My darling husband of nearly thirteen years has a lot to put up with. As the 'Engine Room' to my 'Front of House' he has patiently endured the burden of my ups and downs; energy and exhaustion; joy and gloom.

For those who know only part of my story, you may have already worked out that I’ve had a pretty bad year this year. Work has been the major cause because I had a boss whose ego skewed her powers of fairness and reason and her behaviour towards me affected my self esteem and left me feeling as though I was powerless and worthless.

Love Chunks’ t-shirts were regularly soaked with my tears as I cried out all of my confusion and hurt. During the very worst of it he arranged to take time off work, dealt with phone calls, visits and queries from family and friends, made sure that he was home with me and just took care of things. He walked Sapphire to school and picked her up when I felt too overwhelmed and embarrassed to be seen by anyone. He cooked, cleaned, ran errands and often simply sat with me, holding my hand. What on earth was he getting from this deal?

He made me laugh many times and the encircling of his strong arms reminded me of what was important and worth hanging around for. There’s no nicer warmth and smell in my world than a deep hug from my lovely LC.

This was the same man who, nearly nine years earlier, sat slumped on a plastic desk chair in exhaustion with his face pressed against the drawers next to my bed during the 29 hours it took for Sapphire to enter the world. The man who, for countless occasions, has patiently stroked my forehead and emptied sick buckets during migraine attacks and who has willingly taken Sapphire out to the park or zoo for the afternoon to give me time to recuperate afterwards. Not once have I ever heard him utter the phrase: "You owe me."

On cold nights when I’m hopping back into bed after a middle-of-the-night loo stop he rolls over to let me hog the warmth from his body until I’m taken care of. Then I gently push him back when I’m comfortable again. Love Chunks is also the kind of bloke who is not bothered in the slightest about buying tampons from the supermarket or letting our daughter Sapphire paint his face like a lion during a Crows’ game on television. He has read all of the Harry Potter books in their entirety to Sapphire; both of their heads close together in concentration as he reads out loud clearly and patiently answers all of Sapphire’s questions.

He’ll gently scold me for kissing the dog on the head, when later he’s found outside with her little furry body cradled in his arms.

He makes me a superb cup of coffee every morning using his beloved Gaggia machine and uses all of his powers of creativity to make up something new for breakfast on weekends.

When nagged (by me of course) to list what annoys him about me, his gripes are surprisingly few:

"1) A complete inability to pack things in a sensible and efficient manner (Anti-Tardis Syndrome) – we bought a new cupboard recently that was meant to solve our storage problems – have a little critical look in the spare room!

2) Navigation – need I say more?

3) The toilet – it’s obviously a genetic thing to be tolerant of a filthy toilet.

4) Ripping holes (that are bound to grow bigger by the day) in perfectly good towels

5) Inability to even consider changing a light bulb or fixing even the simplest of devices.

6) Allergy to weeding, gardening and lawn-mowing.

7) Would rather throw out the food that’s left over or eat more than you need to in order to start on the new food item or product.

8) Putting on a load of washing or using the taps whilst I’m in the shower.

9) Putting dirty objects (like Dogadoo's lead or your running shoes) onto the food preparation areas."

That's it?

How on earth do I repay such a wonderful person? What should I buy him for Christmas? A couple of books and DVDs seems an insulting tribute for all that he’s done for me. If Lotto does the right thing by us, he'd ideally like a fishing boat, European holiday and a new car, but I’m wondering whether a hand-made card, some dark Lindt balls and a hug will do the trick.

I hope he shares the Lindt with me........


franzy said...

How on earth do you rip holes in towels?!? What are you DRYING, woman?!?

Presents? 'Pimp My Ride' DVDs. Or an expensive knife.

lc said...

The words patience and lc shouldn't really be used in a sentence together without some others like 'not', 'lacks' or 'devoid'.

Literary license? - the only thing capable of making lc sound that good! Similar to the way in which either a darkened room or considerable distance ameliorates his looks.

Millymoo is worth it...and more.

River said...

Not just the dark Lindt, but the biggest box of dark Lindt. And all for him. He sounds like such a treasure.

Deep Kick Girl said...


I've literally got a tear in my eye. You've managed to touch the icy lump some may call my heart.

Hope you guys have a beautiful Festive Season, MM, LC and Sapphire.

davey said...

I'm not sure I would dare make a suggestion for a present Mill, I feel that this is my first proper introduction into the ways of Chunks. He sounds great though, although I am skeptical over your assertions that he gives you the warm bit of the bed. People actually do that? Absurd.

Although he sounds a different breed that I, here are some things that I have been loving recently:

1. My iPod alarm clock. No need to reset every night, and it wakes you up with YOUR music. Brilliant.

2. My Madeleine Peyroux CD. Sweet old timey music that isn't, in fact, old timey at all.

3. My guitar. Used for learning Madeleine Peyroux songs, and occaisonal death metal ballads you know how I roll etc.

4. The TV show Dexter. (Maybe you can get on DVD?) It's a bit weird.

Failing those, considering how much he has done for you over the year, what about buying him an 'experience'? Like, a morning champagne balloon ride or something -- which of course has the added benefit of you being involved also. Score!

Dune said...

I think you struck the motherlode when it comes to hubbies. What a find!!!

I'm totally guilty of no.7 particularly as it relates to beauty products and shampoos.

What about giving him an experience for Christmas rather than a present? Try Red Ballon Days:

They sell "experiences" like a ride in a racecar on a motortrack, or kayaking up a river, etc. They have a variety of experiences that covers the entire spectrum of prices (both low and high).

--- Dune

ashleigh said...

Ha ha ha!

I move over for t'other 'alf when she needs to get up of a cold night. Nowt wrong with giving a warming up!

And let me tell you about last weekend!

I had a large group from work coming for a BBQ in sunday afternoon. So I had a rare migraine early Sunday morning. Wished I was dead. Managed to avoid the chundering but not a lot of fun. Felt crap all day.

SWMBO arranged all the outdoor furniture, got everything cleaned up, made salads, got food ready, and then did the cleanup afterwards. I was good enough to cook the BBQ and hang around for a quiet chat, then back to bed. Hero, or what?

It all cuts both ways.

Milly Moo said...

franzy - I can't sew for nuts, so I ripped holes in a couple of towels so that Sapphire's would stay on the one-and-only hook we had in our (then unrenovated) bathroom

Dune and Davey - thanks for the ideas - I'm thinking of an 'experience' involving wine, wine tasting, recovering from wine tasting, decent accommodation etc

River - oh and Lindt. That's always a 'given'

Ashleigh - SWMBO sounds like a true champion!

redcap said...

What a marvellous man your Love Chunks is, Milly! Bloke's list would probably go from here to Darwin, beginning with "shocking drunk who inhales all the vodka, but never buys a new bottle" and ending with "won't iron". Frankly, I'm not game to ask him what pisses him off about me.

What about a book of vouchers for shoulder/foot/back rubs? Or give him a perfect day, as per the Lou Reed song. You'll have to find out what his perfect day entails, of course - not everyone likes feeding animals at the zoo and then later, a movie too and then home.

Rosanna said...

Like Lindt balls aren't the best Christmas present in the world. He should be so lucky.

Stunning post! It was Hollywood-love-story worthy, especially at the part about the making coffee (awe).

vwlaura120 said...

i just stumbled upon your blog. and as i jumped around topic to topic, I can relate. Yes, I am not married, nor plan to be for a few years (not my choosing mind you) but I understand the man being so caring and going way above where normal people should. my boyfriend has been there so much for the past year, more than anyone I've ever met, and it all comes around. Its cyclic. At some point your husband will need you, and I think that's the best reward, knowing that you can be tehre for each other. New Years, my boyfriend became terribly ill with a stomach flu and we ended up spending our new years with me rubbign his back while he tried to do away with every toxin in his body. Later was a trip to the ER, what I'm saying is that though my advice/opinion/whatever I'm trying to say....he knows you love him and care as much as he does, and the world will reveal that to him at some point. I'll keep stopping by!