Sunday, December 23, 2007

Going on a Seafood Extender bender

It's a funny old world, isn't it? Yesterday I debuted on local radio as a 'guest' as opposed to my previous guise as a hopeful teenager back in 1982 ringing 5MU to get a free 'Eye of the Tiger' prize single, or Mix-FM to win my best mate Jill a $1000 shopping voucher.

Tim Noonan was discussing the tendency for Aussies to use 'seafood extender' - a rather hideous-sounding mixed paste of various seafoods, rinsed several times to get rid of the pong, normally painted in a bright red 'crab colour' on one side and quickly frozen.

A quick search on the 'net reveals that it originated in Japan many hundreds of years ago, but is often nowadays made in China from their local catfish. These poor creatures feed on the bottoms of ponds and rivers and it is perhaps their pale flesh that best lends itself to the fluoro-whiteness that is expected of fresh-frozen seafood extender.

Anyhow, I have obviously mentioned my love of seafood extender in a past blog article and was invited on to the Saturday morning show to discuss. Oh and plug my book, 'Work/Life Balance for Dummies'.

There I was, sitting in the spare room clutching the phone, Dogadoo discreetly letting a few furry farts rip from her beanbag at my feet whilst I was sweating like a pig. How on earth was I going to do an Anna Coren and segue my way from seafood extender to the ultimate self-help book that would potentially change peoples' lives? And why did I state that sake is the only reason that the Japanese people invented - and continued to eat - seafood extender? My face is still flushing with embarrassment as I type this.

I really should apologise to my father for shamelessly using him - and his love of the now-defunct all-you-can-eat restaurant chain Sizzler - for getting me through. Yes, it is true: he did say that he'd like to die with his mouth open under their chocolate mousse tap, but he might not have wanted me to tell the local population that. Thankfully, he wasn't too fussed when he phoned me a bit later.

He was more concerned that I'd got his seafood extender salad recipe wrong. "You forgot the apple. In addition to the seafood extender, celery and poppy seeds, you've got to add some chopped apple."
"OK Dad, sorry about that."
"And one more thing-"
(Me, blushing and cringeing, expecting the worst): "Yes Dad?"
"It's thousand island dressing, not mayonnaise."

"Right. I'll clarify that in my next blog article."

We then chatted about the arrangements for who was bringing what to the Christmas day lunch at my brother and sister-in-law's on Tuesday and again the radio show was brought up.
"MillyMoo, you know how you said you hate turkey?"
"Y-e-e-e-s?"
"Sonia's cooking a 5kg monster for us for lunch."
"Oh."

Therefore, my second apology is to Sonia. I'm sure your turkey will be much much better than the drumstick I used to be given as a child which had about as much attraction and taste as a mallee root (but with extra dark tendons). I'll be your best friend forever if you fling me some breast meat instead.

And apologies to any listeners out there. The book does contains some life-changing tips that possibly might be more useful to you than trying to spend ten extra minutes in the toilet. *sigh*

10 comments:

Edwin said...

hi, care to link me?

http://www.zooble.blogspot.com

eranium@hotmail.com

thanks =)

golfwidow said...

I use what you call "seafood extender" and we call "SEA LEG!" (because that's what our local Asian buffet calls it, very loudly, when asked what's in the seafood cakes) quite frequently because my husband is allergic to some shellfish. I don't have a great abiding love for it, but it's not half bad at all as long as I don't try to pretend it's crabmeat.

franzy said...

1 Fresh Baguette
SD tomato pesto
iceberg
Seafood extender

Assemble ingredients.
Eat.

This used to be my staple when I was doing work experience at 5UV. Thanks for takin' me back!

River said...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Hope You All Have A Great 2008

Dune said...

Wait, wait, wait. You eat seafood extender yet you hate turkey?! ;)

I never understood the appeal of seafood extender, honestly, and your (no doubt accurate) description of it just confirms for me that calling it "food" is being very generous heh.

PS Sizzler isn't quite defunct - it's alive and well in Queensland (proof that even hygiene scares can't keep us away! :P)

redcap said...

Ba ha ha! You totally made me want a deep fried crab stick the other when you emailed me about this. Mmm, crab stick... Tasty, unless it's stuck on top of a wodge of sushi rice. Then it's just wrong. Wrong, I tell you! ;)

But look on the bright side. Now you're a radio star. I can't do radio. I stutter when sober.

redcap said...

And by the way, golfwidow - sea leg? Euww! I think I like "crab stick" better...

davey said...

Your dad obviously had his culinary heyday in the 70s. Let me guess, also a fan of fondue?

Who can blame him really.

Seasons greetings etc! x

DiamondsSaphire said...

Happy New Year!!

Hula Doula said...

Just blogging by via Blogexplosion. Happy New Year