Would I wear this to work?



Marc Jacobs has rather kindly considered the non-human creatures we encounter in our working lives in this piece.

Many's the time I've had a drunk cockroach or mystified mouse bump up against my sensible shoes: if only I had a pair of heels with tunnels in them!



In this second piece from Mr Jacobs, we have his seven year old niece mistakenly wearing her younger brother's King Gee pull-up shorts as an off-the-shoulder jumper.

Perhaps the binding elastic cuts off the circulation from shoulder level and upwards, although what Mr Jacob's excuse is for such a poxy ensemble is I'll never know.








Korean Designer Lie Sang Bong has taken a far more tried-and-tested path of couture creation - sling out a tit for maximum impact and make the model look about as interested as Donald Trump getting a buzz cut.

Despite this popular cat walk posture, we plebs are still not getting the message that it's okay to let a mammary swing freely in the breeze. I wonder why not?










This same designer - whose surname actually says a lot about his or her source of inspiration - also feels that having two cockatoos perched on our breasts and shoulders could be the next craze sweeping the stores.

I've lost count of the sleepless nights when I've pondered my relatively modest career path and wondered if I should adopt the "Galah with boobies saggy enough to sling over your shoulders and out of harms' way" look for the office. It might raise a laugh and take their attention away from my total lack of knowledge of how to unjam the photocopier machine.








A big gold star and super-wedgie to Mr Reality, aka John-Paul Gaultier for removing his head from his arse and coming up with this practical little ensemble.

It's a real Go Anywhere piece - if you were Bai Ling or Paris, that is. Or maybe not - the vaginal area is far too covered up.













With this dress, however, he's at least trying to find a way to make use of all of those recycled foil take-away containers and give your plumbing a good dose of fresh air.

I've always wanted to make a squeaking and clinking sound when I walk, and this will be perfect for being able to subtlely sneak into over-crowded lecture theatres and seminars when I'm fifteen minutes late.

Plus, isn't it every woman's dream to own an outfit that turns her pear shape into an onion and inflates the size of her arse several times over?

Let's finish on a positive note. Here Mr G's finally made some progress with this outfit. He's at least considered that not all of us have the GDP of Tonga to spend on ridiculous labels or the (undeserved) confidence of a stoned starlet to want to wear them.

Kudos then, for this idea. Simply steal a pair of Y-fronts from your Grandpa, slip your arms through the leg holes and wear the waist band around your head as a hood. Perfect. Just right for your annual performance and salary review.