Thursday, June 08, 2006

Pretty (silly) Pictures to kick-start my long weekend

We'll start with a (supposed) male for once. Lenny 'Not Actually From Planet Earth' Kravitz. He's about 45 years old and yet still dresses like a pantomime angel on acid. How he snares the women (Lisa Bonet, Nicole Kidman) is beyond my simple comprehension. If that on the left came sashaying up to me I'd be snorting champagne up my nose.

I pity his kids: imagine taking that along to your parent-teacher night.

Of course it's all going to blow up into his face - they'll grow up to be accountants, WMD inspectors and managers of girl bands.

Yes, this one of Mads is a few months old (at the Oscars after-party) but it gives a clear picture of a woman undergoing the same denial that Lenny K is.

Fifty is looking her squarely in the eye but she's done her best to avoid it by excessive workouts, bundles of botox, stretched lips ala the Joker and horrific 70s hair. Note to self: if you were old enough to wear your hair like that the first time, you're too old to wear it that way again. Ie -you should know better.

The ropey, sinewed arms don't really portray fitness and youth as much as age and decay - cartoon witches have been drawn with softer limbs than hers!

The face, well...... any tighter and her mouth would meet up at the back of her head. The lines may not be visible, but the face that greets us is as taut as a cheap party balloon about to explode. Step farther away....

I know that Eva Sschlong-goria is one of the execrable 'Desperate Housewives' but when does she do any work? Every time I read online, a newspaper, a magazine there she is, attending the launch of a telephone/nightclub/movie/face cream/loin cloth/opening of a pickle jar.

I wonder if she even knows where she lives anymore? And this outfit..!! Somebody forgot to shut the curtains before they left the beachhouse!

To paraphrase Edmund from Blackadder II, young Paris is likely to be buried in a "Y-shaped coffin" as a result of her, ah, 'talents', but this picture reveals that she also needs several tubes of spakfilla before she takes her hip and pelvic bones out for a premiere.

Even her orange spray-on tan looks more realistic than the grey waxen foundation she's slapped on. The blush looks as though it's been applied with the heel of her hand and anyone can grab a black felt-pen and colour around their eyes.

Raunchy little munchkin Prince was recently named PETA's 'Sexiest Male Vegetarian of the Year'.

I think the word 'sexiest' must have been applied in the loosest possible way because he's about as attractive as platter of cat turds. The puny jumpsuits, spangled cuban heels, Liberace-style adornments....eeughh. Maybe he's got a flat head so that the PETA judges can rest their beers on it.

As will Lenny K, Mariah has completely lost touch with reality.

She's not a small gal, so squeezing herself into a lemon/pear outfit takes a bit of courage, as does taking a jack russell terrier for a walk in high heels. No doubt one of her flackeys is just out of shot to take the lead and scoop up the poop. Maybe even the dog's too, if it's arse hasn't already been hermetically sealed.


Mary Horn said...

I had a friend who used to tour with Lenny and said that he is the funkiest man she's ever been around. As in he doesn't bath and he smells aweful!! I guess when you have that much money women will do whatever now matter how bad you stink. Gross!!!

Dan said...

It's been awhile, but you still manage to crack us up, MillyMoo!

Sorry it's been so long since we've stopped by... but you know how exams are! :(

Glad to see that you're still putting the rich and famous back in their places... We can dream that one day one (or better, all) of them will take notice of this blog and see what they actually look like to the rest of us...!