Monday, December 19, 2005

Childish Sniggers

A couple of days ago I read on several US blogs focussed on politics that some well-known television commentator said, "They can go ahead and bomb the Coit building for all I care."

The Coit building? For most Australians, a 'coit' is your chocolate starfish, your pencil sharpener, your arse hole. If you've had a spot of bad luck or are in the wrong place at the wrong time, you will find that you've 'been kicked right up the coit.' Alternatively, if you're on a pub crawl and the beer has made your companions brave - if not amorous - someone will inevitably call out to an innocent - but attractive - passerby: "Show us your COIT!" Note that I didn't say we were too bright about which part of the anatomy we wanted to see.

In addition, despite our lovely country's rather world famous reputation for lacking culture, even we wouldn't deign to call a car - let alone a building - such a name. Could you imagine if there was a car - "The Chrysler Coit - take a seat (arr arr) and experience true driving pleasure. Powered by methane and animal waste by-products, it's a smooth - if somewhat smelly - ride. Catch a Coit today!" Let's not even start thinking of what colours the car would come in or how it would have to be cleaned.....

Don't worry, even a suburban slob like me knows that it would have been named after someone. Here in South Oz, it would be named after an historical figure who, for example, helped circumnavigate the waterways or planned the city. In the US, on the other hand, sky scrapers and such tend to be named in honour of the builder or businessman; Trump Tower and everything else being a glaring example. But who was or is, Mr Coit? What was he famous for - colonoscopies? Toilet paper? Bidets? Be honest, does anyone actually use a bidet? Were his school mates cruel to him, nicknaming him Uppya, Innya or Showusyer?

Who works in this infamous yet real Coit building? Tax collectors? Lawyers? Telecall operators or haute couture clothing designers? A questionable talent ageny who represents (Australians first) - Idol has-beens, nudie-rudies from Big Brother, David Koch, Ray Martin and Kate Fisher? What about Mick Jagger, Nicolas Cage, Jennifer Lopez and Sharon Stone? All of these staff would give anyone a good enough reason for letting it be bombed.

I'll let the Benny Hill lurking within me out for one second to end this short article. What if there's a companion building or avenue like Snatch Central or Map of Tassie Mall? It's OK, I'll go wash my hands and rinse out my mouth with soap now, and make amends by volunteering my somewhat worthless services to the disadvantaged. Those poor little coits.....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's named after that famous Aussie bushman, Russell "Coight"....?