Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Upping Stumps




















I quit my job after only five weeks and realise that the past five years haven't been exactly stellar regarding the formal work front.

Five years ago I worked myself into a nervous breakdown;
Three years ago my boss pushed me out;
Last week I resigned.

A breakdown after five years; a firing after two years and a giving-up after five weeks.

What's the next one going to be - going postal after ten minutes?

I don't think so.

After a weekend of crying, I'm trying hard not to see it as a failure but as something I tried that wasn't the right fit; wondering why just getting basic and necessary tasks done needed to be so difficult; why people were tardy, grumpy, hidden from view. Skewing things out of proportion and making me feel miserable, useless and trapped.

Except I wasn't. Trapped, that is.

We all have to suffer rudeness and dishonesty and disinterest at times but I grew tired of hearing, "Yeah they've had a bad year, so aren't likely to be helpful" as something I had to accept. Hearing, "You don't belong to our unit, go somewhere else" when they were the sole owners of the information/room/activity/knowledge and therefore had the power.

So I decided not to put up with it.

Money will be tight - freelancing work starts with 'free' for a reason a lot of the time but I've learned something. I am still employable. I just don't need to say 'yes' to the first thing that's offered, especially when most of the requirements I was looking for in a job weren't there. I can be fussy even if it means that our financial situation will need a much more careful eye.

I need to value the work that I do with and for my family as much as they do and stop worrying about what other people think. I need to get off my arse - or firmly back on it, seeing as it's mostly computer based - and start writing the damn novel that's been percolating, bubbling, brewing in my brain all year.

2011 - Year of change; year of being brave.

24 comments:

franzy said...

Well good on YOU.

Proud as hell.

I think it takes more guts to quit for something better than to stick with something worse.

Kath Lockett said...

Thanks Franzy. Now, of course, I need to put my money (what's left of it) where my mouth is and WRITE.

Oh and find a part time job that liaises with human beings rather than disembodied weblink links and non-answered voice mail.

Pandora Behr said...

You do know how very proud I am of you. And I'm sure that dream part time job, full of fun challenges and fun human beings is out there for you. You and me, kid - 2011 is going to be EXCELLENT!

VW: Dahth - the badly needed ending to crap jobs (which both of us are going through)

Vanessa said...

Good for you. You sounded miserable for the past few weeks. I have just signed my daughter up for a writing course (a Christmas present) during the holidays. Very pricey but I hope worthwhile. Might be a profitable part time venture for you to consider offering? Info at www.bornstorytellers.com.au. You obviously have the skills and there is a need from the nonskilled.

Elisabeth said...

A brave decision you've made here Kath. I wondered that this job was good for you. you strike me as such a free spirit. Your writing needs this, though I hope the financial angst isn't too bad.

The Plastic Mancunian said...

G'Day Kath,

I wish I was brave enough to just quit. Sadly I'm not and still put up with all sorts of shit.

I think you should definitely write that brewing novel.

I'll buy it.

:0)

Cheers

PM

River said...

I'm proud of you too, Kath. That sort of "it's ours and you can't share" attitude isn't worth putting up with. Not at all. You'll find a much better job, where you're valued so much more.
After you write that novel, of course. Can't wait to read it....

Kath Lockett said...

Well now that I've talked about the novel publicly it's lit a fire under my ample arse.... :)

Cat J B said...

Wow, you go, Kath! It didn't sound like you were having much fun and when mum's not happy, the rest of the family starts to reflect that too. Onwards to better things.

Romana said...

proud of you Kath! Be brave, be bold, 2011 will be the year things get clearer for you, because you are being clearer about what you wwant and need :)
All the best, can't wait to read more of your adventures in the new year!

Nicole said...

Good on you Kath! I can't say I'm surprised though - you didn't seem at all happy doing that job and there is no point staying somewhere you don't want to be. Besides - it's good timing for the holidays!

Hannah said...

Kath, I'm so glad you didn't let yourself feel badly about this for long - quitting was so far from failure that it's not even worth mentioning those two words in the same sentence. The whole situation sounded horrible, and I for one am so glad you had the strength to get yourself out of it. As someone who has never been able to quit anything even when I'm miserable, I wish I had your courage. (Must not make comment about my current life/work choice in public sphere...)

Hurrah hurrah! What a fabulous xmas gift to yourself and your family :)

Lisa said...

Great news Kath, that job was so not you! There are better jobs out there - I was in a terrible job for 8 years but started a much better one recently (single mum living in the country so not much choice). Caring for your family and home is good work too, valuable work that you should be proud of. And I will buy your novel too!

JK said...

I agree with all these comments. That job sounded awful; as we have to work it might as well be bearable. Very brave and good of you to quit, and you have also helped your family by doing so. Good luck with the next one!

Lidian said...

Good for you, Kath! That job really sounded terrible, and hey, freelancing is work - absolutely. And you are the best, an amazing writer, I think you did absolutely the right thing.

I have a lovely job history that includes: quitting Ph.D with half a thesis written, a ghastly stint in a bookstore, a stint as a secretary (not good either) and 3 million years as an SAHM. Oh, and a bunch of horrible unpublished semi-novels. So - yeah.

From Canada I drink a morning toast to you in instant coffee!

nuttynoton said...

I always believe like sliding doors, as one closes another opens, courageous decision you could have continued and been miserable which makes you not happy at home, life has so much more to offer.
2011 onwards and upwards and as SUMO man (shut up and move on)says will it matter in 6 months??

Deep Kick Girl said...

I'm not surprised at all. That job sounded crazy in a soul destroying way. My 2 cents... stay away from the public service... not that the private sector is so great but it's a different type of crazy (better biscuits, if nothing else!).

BTW you are brave and bold. I have always so admired that about you. You do what you think is right and that is a rare commodity in people. You are a wonderful, talented, warm, giving person - always remember that.

R.H. said...

I don't think you should do anything at all. Have a rest, you need a rest.

JahTeh said...

Kath, don't you realize you are a valuable "World Person" and should not be locked in an office, no matter how much money you are being paid. Who is doing the Ninja Littering? Who is doing the neighbourhood hoon check? Who is sniffing out the elf and dog secrets of Flemington? These are important things, we need laughter as much as you need money but you don't need verification as a valued woman, wife and especially mother.

JD said...

Inspiring as always, Kath. Life is too short.

Maria said...

What an inspiration you are. Well done, Kath!

Kath Lockett said...

Now you've all gone and made me cry.... and smile.

Allie said...

My god, I just stumbled across your blog and this post struck a big and painful chord. Nothing like a soul destroying job to put your entire life out of kilter and chip away at you without you really realising.

Congratulations for getting out! The tightness in the chest and gritted teeth that come from being reminded of the place are almost something to cherish now!

Louise said...

It sounds like you've already started being brave in 2010. It takes a lot of courage to admit that something you've "chosen" isn't right for you and is in fact making you miserable. Well done you.