Now that's something you don't hear every day, is it?
For a suburban blurber, sometimes the 'to do' list in my tattered Far Side paper diary says a great deal about what's occupying my lindt ball-sized brain. For instance, over the weekend it contained:
- 9:15am - Sapphire's tennis lesson. Note to self: Is it our turn to bring coffee? Second note: must stop mucking around with parents Rocky, Ali, Grant and Roberto and instead pay attention to Sapph's efforts
- Collect Axylotl from Nature Education Centre - anytime on Sat. between 1pm and 5pm for Sapphire's school. Don't forget the frozen beef hearts!
- Do meditation homework: 1) stand starkers in front of full-length mirror for at least five minutes. Note to self: Room temperature, Love Chunks and Sapphire-free time and self-loathing permitting; 2) Eat and drink one meal s-l-o-w-l-y and without distractions like reading the paper, talking to someone else or standing up. Note to self: will be challenging, especially if forced to eat gluten-free crackers again; and 3) Look at your physical/emotional state - are you agitated, balanced or dull? Need to ask teacher: can I be all three at once?
- Get Sapphire ready by 5pm - for dinner at Cafe Primo, Shrek 3 and sleepover at Angus's house. Note: remind her that only one - not all fourteen - Beanie kids will fit into her Jessie from ToyStory II backpack and that if I hear about Tamagotchi version four one more time I will decapitate Mama Beanie Bear and insert it up the split in Gummi Bear's backside...
- Feed Axylotl - sorry 'Arthur' and train Dogadoo to not growl at him and to stop licking the taped up sides of the aquarium.
- Tart myself up - booking at Penfold's Magill Estate for LC's early 40th birthday dinner made for 7:30pm. Note: need to start psyching myself up for make-up application at midday, with first attempts commencing at 3pm
- Set alarm for 8:00am to collect Sapphire from Angus's place. Reminder: Mum Catherine hopefully not utterly fed up with Sapphire but has to get Angus and party food ready for Norwood Bowl adventure with boys from his school;
- Re-do Chapter Five - editor hates it, and with good reason. Note: must delicately negotiate non-family and housework time around LC (likely to be hungover) and Sapphire (likely to be grumpy).
- Go to Coles - need potatoes, liquid paper, non-gluten rice crackers that are edible and Farmers Union Feel Good Iced Coffee. Note to self: get the Sunday Mail because we need to know what's on the telly for the week.
You'll be pleased to know that all of the above tasks were ticked off my list and Arthur the Axylotl's arrival in Sapphire's classroom this morning was treated with the greatest interest and respect by the kids. LC had to carry the aquarium in because it was too heavy for me, I had Arthur swishing around in a plastic bag inside a blue bucket with his water aerater, beef hearts and PH soluton. Sapphire had her lunch and the information pamphlet.
After filling up Arthur's tank and placing his bag in the water to acclimatise, Love Chunks and I were ready to leave. We farewelled our sweet child who barely turned around to acknowledge us. She was already lost to the environment of school mates, armpit farts and the reflected glory of having a Mexican fish with legs in her home for the weekend.