My claws are out - SA Labor Party, hang your stupid big bone heads in shame!

Ever since Sunday when our execrable local paper, the Sunday Mail announced that one of their esteemed columnists, Nicole Cornes, had been 'shoulder tapped' by the labor party to run for the Federal seat of Boothby at the next election, South Australia has been buzzing.

Buzzing not with the sounds of approval, but shocked intakes of breath, dismay and anger that Labor could do something so insulting to their members, steadfast voters and future voters.

Nicole Cornes....*sigh*...... Pretty to look at but pretty dumb to read, see and hear. On ABC radio 891, she sounded like a teenager, trailing off each response with a pointless 'yeah' added for a full stop.

Let me take you back a few years when she emerged from being Graham Cornes (ex-coach of the Crows, now car dealer and 5AA announcer) muuuuch younger new wife and mother to a couple of kids to having her own full page to witter on about such heady things as how to keep your man happy; why it's great to be invited to Bec and Lley Lley's wedding and the huge stress of running a fairy shop in Glenelg.

Whenever we went on holiday, I'd buy the Dungday Mail to read her column and luxuriate in the blind rage it would evoke. I couldn't even get a sub-sub-sub editor to reject my submissions in writing, but Nicole gets invited to write a column that would make Paris Hilton's 'Confessions of an Heiress' look like the 'To Kill a Mockingbird' of the 21st Century.

Nicole's CV is so damn patchy that, even with all the padding added by the Sunday Fail journos it has about as much weight as Nicole Richie's eyelashes. Left school at fifteen - fair enough. Tripped about doing reception work at RAA until she landed Gra Gra, got married and up the duff. Then did her 'adult entry exam' and got into Flinders Uni law. Part time, along with, for four years, running a 'Fairy Shop' in Glenelg. (Sapphire had attended a few birthday parties there, but not once did I ever see Nic in there either behind the counter or interracting with ~shudder~ children from ~~double shudder~~ outside of the Glenelg post code area).

According to a close friend of mine, Nic's been studying longer than a Tibetan monk, so her self-proclaimed stress of studying and incurring a HECS debt must be at the rate of one subject per year. She was having her legs waxed when asked to write for the Fungal Nail, so lord knows how she made time for that with two children, part time study and running a shop. Thank god for good help...!

What really made me want to barf up my breakfast was that she admitted to voting for John Howard. How could any sane, self-respecting person with a sense of conscience, social justice and common sense do that?

Worse still - Why oh why did someone from Labor think that she would be a decent candidate? Perhaps we could forgive Nicole herself: she was asked to run and was clearly flattered and dumb enough to think that she would be OK as a contender. Her ego must have played a huge part in accepting the role because those a,mongst us who also possess egos tend to have brains that go with them, advising us that "If you don't have any previous connection to labor, are completely clueless on what your local electorate consider important and have the written and oral communication skills of a girl guide, don't do it."

Yet some mental pygmies from the Labor party thought she'd 'do'. In the classic Aussie spirit of, "Near enough is good enough." They must have quickly warmed to the stupid idea, rationalising that, "She's OK to look at and gets her hands on the crayons long enough to write a few words on yummy mummies, hair colourants and Hollywood gossip - all very crucial issues facing Australians right now."

No wonder Kevin Rudd suddenly has too many appointments to come back to Adelaide and officially endorse her - why didn't they whisk away into a hidden bunker for three months, indoctrinating her into the world of politics ("Come on Nicole, you can do it - repeat after me: The House of Representatives stands for......") before unleashing her bottle-blonded 'brand' of naivety onto the world?

So much for mates I know like Helen, who have been fighting social injustice and inequities the moment they were big enough to maintain the rage, attend rallies and become active unionists. Nic-shit hasn't even joined a union and could not think of ONE THING that was important to her electorate despite telling us how she had lived there all her life. Not one thing? Not ready access to childcare, reduced childcare fees, decent public schooling, destroying Work Choices to free lower paid workers, working on the Kyoto protocol to properly commit Australia to reducing emissions, making water tanks compulsory with decent government rebates, flexible working hours....

ARRGH! What an insult!!