Mariah's latest Pepsi commercial. Tired, bored sigh.....
Obviously a shy girl who hides behind her voice and only ventures out into the public arena when there's an extremely worthy social issue to highlight...
Tara Reid, one time 'star' of that ground-breaking social-commentary on contemporary youth life, 'American Pie', now looking as though she's got two soggy ones shoved in her bikini.
If she doesn't pack 'em into a full-support underwire soon she'll be able to stand and surf on 'em.
Kimberley Stewart has achieved a great deal in this photo. Yes, you read it right: she has made Target - the cheapest, tattiest, rag-bag clothes chain, purveyer of clothes not likely to last beyond the first wash - look positively elegant beside her.
Also, whatever bra she's using deserves a mention for making so much out of so little; from concave to convex.
Sadly, she's forgotten that Flashdance's Jennifer Beals quite conservatively chose to wear TROUSERS with her baggy grey top, and those boots only make me suspect that there's two cranes out there in the local bird sanctuary that no longer have beaks.
This has been splashed everywhere, but Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock's official wedding were of course entirely predictable but also hilarious
One of my favourite Mothers Of The Year has chosen her usual tasteful clothing option, whilst Kid is glad that his minder is close by. That means he only has to concentrate on drinking his beer, and his paid help has the responsibility of slapping him every thirty seconds or so and hissing, "BREATHE, Kid, don't forget to breathe.'
Meanwhile, Pammy's wondering if her chest is horizontally-inflated enough to rest her glass on without spilling.
Mary-Kate and Ashley (or the other way around, who cares) have several hundred million dollars to spend between them but seem to prefer the 'Unemployed Alcoholic
Actress At Age Eighty' look for 2006.
They are also adopting the Nicole Richie technique of hiding behind 'big' things - hats, glasses, beverages. If they get any thinner those arm bangles will be able to circle their waists. Twice.
When LaLa's not being told off by her movie producer, instantly recovering from 'exhaustion' or changing into her eleventh bikini for the day, she's out on the town at night, busily giving her own physical fireplace (come on, think about it) a good old work-out.
Which leads me to assume that 'ol Firecrotch must have some skills other than acting, er singing and shopping because up close she's scaring me. I've never liked those circus clowns....
OK Janet, OK. We know that you've lost a heap of weight, but have you ever heard of dressing in a casual, relaxed or even elegant style?
The 'I Dream of Jeannie' hair, tranvestite makeup, butter yellow shoulder pads (eek!!), unnaturally sucked-in stomach and slutty slit skirt just makes you look like you're ready for your turn to lip-synch 'I will survive' at the local Tranny Club's Open Mike night and doing a few five dollar favours in the bus shelter on the way home.
By the way, Mariah Carey's wondering when you'll be giving her dress back.
Here's a gal that makes the afore-mentioned Janet Jackson look an earth mother.
Could this women look any more like a cartoon? White hair, buggles sunnies, red texta mouth, minnie-mouse clothes and a rack only $10,000 could get.
Or maybe she's out to find Popeye and give him a good shagging....?
And finally, just to give some hope to us great unwashed ordinary folk, I present to you the bloke that George Michael thought was worth trawling the local park for.
GM may go for designer threads, carefully coiffeured stubble and perma-tan, but he likes his fellas to wear socks with their shorts and possess a paunch you could hide your wallet in.
This is all very cheering news to me. I'll just slip into my baggy-bum trackie daks, stained polar fleece jumper and ugg boots and linger suggestively outside Jude Law's house.....