Thursday, March 09, 2006

Odds and Sods

Here's a few photos of (mostly) well-recognised folk that are worth dressing down.

Bebe Neuwith did a classic job of playing the glacial psychiatrist 'Lilith' on both Cheers and Frasier, but she's not winning herself any awards here, except one of relief from me: to finally find someone who is whiter than I am.

There's no denying her fantastically fit figure, but the dress looks as though it's her Mum's tennis frock from 1967 with a few bits of fringing sewn over the top. The colour only serves to make her skin glow in the dark. At least she'll be able to read while she's in a darkened cinema.

Here he have the high-priestess of new wave, Deborah Harry from Blondie. The black dress, lurid coat and black flats are pretty presentable for someone who is now in their fifties. Shame about the make up though - she might do better to seek beauty tips from someone other than a short-sighted circus clown.

More important than makeup is how poor old Elmo is coping with the loss of a significantly large rectangle of fur being ripped from arse whilst he was sleeping. We can only hope that it will grow back and that Debbie doesn't develop a hankering for a matching handbag and muff.....

Now cast your minds back, waaay back to when Guns'n'Roses were taken seriously. Stephanie Seymour was once the girlfriend of Mr Axl Rose, he of the bad spelling, bad skin and bad drug habit. She had a small child then, so he or she must be beaming with fifteen year old pride at seeing their Mommy go to some E-grade Academy Awards after-party wearing a converted hooker's outfit. The back of the dress reveals that the knickers are in fact, a g-string.

Really classy stuff for someone who's at least forty and will now have a teenager in therapy due to the bullying the poor bastard will receive at school.

This is nobody famous (unless Mary Tyler Moore is angry at her husband's latest facelift effort), but is, in fact, a school librarian.

If I saw that at Easter time I'd firstly try my best to stop screaming and would then be scattering calici virus around the neighbourhood instead of mini-eggs. You see readers it is sick stunts like these that contribute to the decrease in literacy levels.

Mary-Kate Olsen had been having a really fun day. She snuck into her Mommy's wardrobe, popped on her shoes and managed to do up the zip of her new black dress. It was a bit long, so she grabbed Daddy's cumberbund and wound it around her middle a couple of times. Voila: now she was ready for the audition for 'Memoirs of a Geisha 2.'

Lordy me - does everything this pixie wears have to be my size? It's not as though she has to hide her upper ham-hock arms, is it? Lastly, the hair - I hope she doesn't wear buckles on her stilettos or her hair's going to get tangled up in them soon.

The producers of the TV show 'Neighbours' wisely decided to ensure that all of Shane Warne's intensely dramatic scenes would be with blokes. They just couldn't risk any SMS-related seductions (unless it was with Harold, who actually seemed keen).

Unfortunately, they had no control over how Shane wanted his hair done: in a pee-in-the-snow coloured, distressed haybale.

Australia's own Stephanie Seymour of sorts, Annelise Braakensiek, has decided to get her gear off for PETA.

This has about as much shock value and interest as a John Howard power walk because she tends to wear a denim waistband and a two leather strings out in public anyway. Squashing down her rudey bits by lying on her front means that we actually see less of her than we normally do. She would make more of an impact if she was in a polo necked skivvy and some high-waisted trousers.

This poor child might be the Easter Bunny-boiler librarian's niece. This loo-roll holder of a dress is proudly for sale at KandyKisses clothing, found somewhere on the net.

The Monkees-style buttons are great reminders of the poor wearer's age and if you play your cards right, the sad little bugger might be persuaded to run up and down the hall so that her frills dust the skirting boards for you.

The matching headpiece is a little difficult to make out and I suspect that it's not a bacon, tomato and lettuce lunch arrangement.

Finally, we have Kate Bosworth, on her day off. Not only from eating, but also from work; whatever it is that she does.

The baggy grey tanktop reminds me of the ones my brothers wore (charmingly called 'tit hangers') in the eighties and the leggings, well...!!? The leggings show us all that they look like crap on chunkers, they look crap on slim people and they look like sheer SHITE on someone with thighs emaciated enough to pass a soccer ball through.

Please go away and eat a hot, greasy bowl of wedges with bacon bits and sour cream Kate love. We don't want to see your clavicles, chest bones or the light bouncing off your shins.

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